Love Beyond Words

When I was at the Foundation for A Course in Miracles this June, we came back after the midday break and Ken Wapnick mentioned hearing about a conversation between two Course students at lunch, and for the next ten minutes implored us not to do "Course talk" with other Course -- or non-Course -- students while having a normal conversation. He emphasized that while it is a common phenomenon amongst Course students, it is not loving,

Imagine a conversation like this:

ACIM'er #1: "Would you recommend the lasagna or club sandwich?"

ACIM'er #2: "Duh! They're both the same - there is no hierarchy of illusions - so it doesn't really matter, does it?"

ACIM'er #1: "Okaaaay then. So, did I tell you? My wife is in the hospital from stress because our daughter started doing drugs and ran off with her boyfriend. I'm really worried about them."

ACIM'er #2: "Well, there is no such thing as sickness, so don't lose too much sleep over it. And make sure you don't reinforce her ego by believing in her sickness! As for your daughter, God is her only real father. And drugs don't have to be harmful to her - she's under no laws but God's. Luckily, she can't be hurt anyway, because it's all an illusion."

There is nothing sinful about being ACIM'er #2, and if you've ever had such a conversation over lasagna you wouldn't want to feel guilty about it, because it's the same old mistake - the one we all make - just in a specific form. But you would want to come to understand that using Course language in such a way is separating.

It's separating because it's denial. While it's metaphysically accurate to say, "This is all an illusion", that is an experience that only comes to us at the very end of our Atonement process. And if we are in a state so near to Truth, we certainly wouldn't speak this way. Denial means we've dropped Jesus' hand, which is a symbol of separation in our mind, and using "Course-talk" as illustrated above would be a projection of that decision into the world of bodies and relationships.

One way to think about this topic is to equate "Course-talk" with "baby-talk". If someone attempted to speak with you and all you gave in return was baby-talk, it would be very difficult for them to have a normal conversation or relationship with you. The baby-talk would obviously be a defense against joining. The same is true for Course-talk. This is a course in content, not form, and that content will be expressed in whatever way is most helpful to the receiver at the time. (T-2.IV.5:1-3)

It's important to remember that joining only takes places on the level of the mind, but the reflection of that joining while talking with someone about their wife and kids (or the stock market, politics, favorite sports team, the weather, pollution, food, sex, workout regimen, home improvement, or burial plans) would be to leave the language of the Course behind, and talk to them about their wife and kids with the content of love. In form, that would almost always look the same as a non-Course student who was talking to someone about their wife and kids.

There is a bit of a tendency for Course students to become "insta-counselors" or self-appointed, Holy Spirit guided, Course healers. It's almost as if we feel we have found the truth, and it's too good to keep to ourselves. That everyone, whether they know it or not, must want it. If someone is talking about something painful or difficult for them, many Course students jump in as "representatives of the Holy Spirit" by hitting them over the head with what amounts to a spiritual baseball bat. We are not asked to be proselytizers. All the Holy Spirit asks is for us to accept the Atonement for ourselves. The way the content of that process would be expressed in the world of form is through simple kindness. Being a good listener. Being compassionate and understanding. Being a friend, not an ACIM zealot. (Which, again, isn't a sin. It's not worthy of self-condemnation, only an awareness of where the zealotry is coming from, and then being patient and gentle with yourself or another.)

The more we grow with A Course in Miracles, the less we would tend to use its vernacular in conversation. Dropping an "It's all an illusion", or "We're all One", or "You are never upset for the reason you think" into the middle of a normal conversation is jarring, often abruptly skews or ends the discussion, and as such would unlikely to be an expression of kindness.

The time for baby-talk is when we're talking to babies. (And maybe not even then!)

The time for pillow-talk is when we're in bed talking to our spouse or lover.

And the time for Course-talk is with another Course student, or interested party, who has invited our take on a situation from a Course point of view.

The content of love in our minds, obviously, is the final arbiter, and will navigate and direct all conversations and behavior, but I mention the above examples as a common-sense way to approach the world and relating to each other when we're not sure. As a way to be normal.

One place in the Course that speaks of this is Lesson 155. It points out that choosing Jesus as our teacher does not result in our changing our appearance. This isn't talking about our wardrobe, it's talking about all levels of form. We keep doing whatever it is our classroom would ask, our responsibilities would ask, our preferences, interests and hobbies would ask, but we now do them with a serene forehead and quiet eyes, smiling more frequently. Our appearance doesn't change, our attitude does. We talk the same, walk the same, celebrate holidays, and look both ways when we cross the street. We are not to get all new friends, spiritual at least, fellow A Course in Miracles students at best. That would be another expression of separating. Love is not form dependent. We're the same old friend, the same old family member, and listen and respond like anyone else would, we just do it with more gentleness because we've joined with a gentle teacher. This gentleness transcends language and dogma, and would "speak" to anyone of any spirituality or religion, or none at all, because the love that is its source is beyond this world, and is the answer each of us truly seeks behind any question or situation.

Using Course-jargon with people unfamiliar with the Course is like speaking to someone using a foreign language; they'd struggle to understand and give proper context or meaning to words like Atonement, forgiveness, miracle, vision and so on. Imagine being an astro-physicist who keeps dropping scientific words with 16 syllables while having a conversation at a bar. The words would have little or no meaning to anyone but close associates. It wouldn't be a sincere attempt to connect with another person, but merely taking advantage of the opportunity to have an audience for your specialness.

When we rest quietly in the content of love, our mind naturally amends the form to the person and situation at hand. Here is a nice experience I had last year: My wife was raised a Mormon, and her family remains strong in their religion. Her dad's father died, and we called to express our condolences. Her dad was very upset, as you can imagine, and when I spoke to him, even though I'm not a Mormon, and he knows I'm not a Mormon, I heard myself saying, "I'm sure he is happy to finally be with your mom, and Heavenly Father. She's been waiting for him and now they can be together again." It meant so much to him because he knew that if I wasn't a member of his religion that I could only be speaking his language for one reason... because I really loved him. He could see that my love for him was such that form meant nothing before it. I wasn't concerned about the words, nor consciously selected them, I only wanted to get the love across, and trusted I would.

Another meaningful example of this occurred a few months ago when my wife's still-Mormon sister asked me to write the vows and ceremony for her upcoming wedding. When it was all over, she and her family were touched by the ceremony, as it included several meaningful Mormon references, and no ACIM references. A fellow Course student read the vows and mentioned, "This isn't Course compliant", and my honest answer was, "I hadn't really noticed." That's the whole point. When we come from love we don't notice what we're saying. Love barely notices form, and isn't concerned about being "Course compliant". Choosing the content of love in our mind, represented by forgiveness, is what is truly Course compliant. If we find ourselves concerned with what we're saying, we've placed the importance of form over the importance of content - a shadow of our decision for specialness over Oneness - an obvious error needing our own forgiveness.

I don't mention these stories to be an ACIM hero. An "ACIM hero" is someone who, when they notice their choice for ego, gently forgives themselves. It's that simple. And the only ACIM hero we need is ourselves. These stories are simply meant to illustrate how freeing it is when we are in our right mind. From this decision love flows naturally, form means little to us, and we are much nicer to be around. All these questions of form - which are really wrong-minded defenses - simply melt away when we join with Jesus, or the Holy Spirit.

Think of the example of "The Two Pictures" in the Course. The frame (special relationship/form) must be looked at with forgiveness before it can recede in our awareness, giving way to the picture (holy relationship/content). The frame within the context of this article would be the special relationship we develop with the words of the Course. Such a frame would be engraved with phrases like, "It's all an illusion", or "We are all one". Used for the purpose of separation, these words and concepts are Course compliant in form only, and become the means we use to keep from looking at the picture. They become a defense against love.

When we find ourselves using - or reacting to someone else using - Course-talk as a defense, we must learn, at a pace that is comfortable for us, to look at this decision with Jesus to see we choose but death, that we would finally remember that the content of His love is the way, the truth, and the life.