Pain and Practice

I'm listening to Ken Wapnick's workshop, Duality as Metaphor, and someone in the class asked the question: "What do we do with our pain?" When we hear the word "pain" we tend to think of physical pain first, but no matter the form (psychological, emotional, mental, physical) all pain comes from our choice for the ego. So, really, the question is: "What do we do with our painful experience of having chosen the ego?", which is the over-arching question of the Course.

Ken's answer is a great summary of the practice of the Course, and can be applied to any pain we may feel at any time. Here is his answer:

You do whatever you can with the pain. There's nothing wrong with using whatever magical means will alleviate the pain. Whether it's doing something at a psychological level, or a relationship level, or doing something physically like taking medicine.

All the Course would advocate is that when you use magic be aware of why you are doing it. You are basically saying, "The pain of looking at my ego is too great, and that's alright." I'm not ready to do it today, or tonight, or next week, or next month, but when I'm ready to I will, but for now at least I know, finally, I know where the pain is coming from. It's not coming from my miserably painful background, my family, it's not coming from this person I'm living with, or my job, or what's happening to my body, it's coming because I'm afraid of love, so afraid of love, that I cling to my specialness. At least now you know what the problem is, and that's a big, big step. This will help your study of the Course immeasurably and will also help your practice of it.

The problem was not the tiny mad idea, it was the way that we reacted to it. If you could generalize that and make it specific in your life: The problem is not the pain that you're feeling, the specialness that you're still cherishing, the problem is the interpretation you are placing on it. Namely, "This is wrong, this is sinful, this is guilty".

The way out of this miserable situation that we are in is to be able to gradually look at what it is, and when you look at what it is and see it for what it is, it will begin to disappear. When you do it is up to you. While Jesus is very clear about the difference between reality and illusion, he is also very gentle and very loving. And he is not holding a whip to your body. So basically what you want to do is forgive yourself for having an ego reaction. Forgive yourself for misinterpreting or distorting the Course, forgive yourself for keeping Jesus away, by holding up your specialness as an idol that you worship, and basically understand that you are doing that because you are afraid, not because you are a bad person or you're sinful.