Can’t Bear to Grin
I’ve been asked about the results of the tests I had done last week, so I thought since this was a personal blog and all, that I’d get, well, personal. Share the pain. I mean, the journey. They all came back negative, which is positive, and I’d like to see that as neutral.
I’ve been in pain for 7 months, and they can’t find the cause. Yes, har-dee-har. One doc told me it was all in my head, and I said, “I can get that kind of talk in Temecula thank you very much.” And when I say “and I said”, I mean I didn’t really say it, but could have if I was a completely different person. Or drunk.
The pain has taught me a lot. Mostly that pain hurts. But it has also taught me that I can be peaceful even when I am in pain. Especially on painkillers. And when I say “especially on painkillers”, I mean, “when I look at it with Jesus.”
I’ve “grinned and beared” it, but I think that’s bringing the grin to the bearing, not the bearing to the grin, which would be “bearing to destroy”. I’ll try and get it right.
My allopathic doc says he can’t do anything else for me, and has advised me to see a naturopath. (Little does he know I’ve been cheating on the side all along.) But now I am seeing a new naturopath tomorrow, and the practice will continue… visiting a doctor with peace. Flowing with the pain. Observing my pain without the pain of judgment.
It’s not easy. The pain can be a bear. But that doesn’t mean I can’t be silent amidst the throbbing. I will be ok so long as I remember to bring the bear to the grin.
