A Course in Miracles Monk

Dear Monk: I’ve come to the conclusion that I have a problem with any one loving me, even my kids.

From a Course point of view we don’t want anyone loving us; that wouldn’t serve the purpose we have for the people in our lives — namely, hating us. We made people to be the repository of our guilt, so that we could have someone to blame, thus making ourselves innocent.

When they love us, they’re not fulfilling their function as we see it. From the ego’s perspective of one or the other, if they’re love, we must be hate. We can’t live with that, at least not comfortably. We’ll find a way to sabotage it, push them away, make them wrong, start a fight etc.

Anon: This problem, when dealing with my kids bothers me the most.

That’s understandable. There are all sorts of different ways to explain it, some of which might resonate, while others wouldn’t, but one way to think of it is that you, as a child of God, are dreaming that you pushed your father away, and you feel terribly guilty about it. Part of you is in despair over this, and cries for your Father. You think God will never want you back, will never take you back, even if you came knocking. So when you push your children away (or wish you could), it might be bringing up the selfsame pain you feel because the parallels are so obvious.

Anon: My son is a hugger…

A bugger? Oh, oh, i see it now.. a hugger. Well, what a bugger! :)

Anon: …and a lot of the times when he comes for a hug and an I love you, I find it very difficult to respond with love and affection. I know all things that bother me are my “stuff”, my problem is not knowing how to work on them. A LITTLE HELP???????????

You might, at the right time, give the little boy (child of God) in you a tender hug, and forgive him for pushing his Father away. That affection would then extend naturally to your son. Having forgiven yourself, you would no longer need to keep a barrier of protection against love, against him, or anyone.

I’ll start things along… here’s one from me to you. {{{hug}}}

I’m a little bugger, too. :)

Love,
ACIM Monk