FACIM D1: Heart of Hearts
(8:21am) I just got off the phone with the Best Western in Temecula and made a reservation for tonight — I will be leaving in about 20 minutes. It’s a rare rainy day here, so the drive will be a little slower than usual, but I’m looking forward to being there a day early and getting settled in in time for tomorrow’s seminar. Talk to you next from Temecula.
(4:35pm) I arrived safely, with the drive and a quick stop in to Trader Joe’s taking exactly six hours.
Usually I try to get the drive over with quickly (see: speeding, while looking for cops). Since I wasn’t in a rush I decided to enjoy the long drive and make it part of the Temecula experience. (I’ve done this in the past to great benefit, but had recently become impatient with the monotony of the drive.) I put in the first CD of Ken’s 32-CD epic, Jesus: Songs of Gratitude and Love, a collection of his workshops on Jesus. Within minutes, still within five miles of home, I felt touched, a sense of the sacred, and noticed myself turning inward.
Ken’s voice has many subtle distinctions (I love them all), and his tone was immediately tender, reverent, and imbued with obvious gratitude for Jesus. He openly shares his experience in the first introductory CD, and it went straight to my heart. I became aware that getting in touch with my heart, meant getting in touch with my process. My heart is my process. And Jesus is the heart of my process. My heart of hearts.
…………………As I wrote those last lines I felt a deep emotion and had to take a break out of respect before continuing… As I drove and listened to these CDs I became quite incredulous that I’ve owned them for two years without listening to them. Consciously I would say the reason is because it takes me a long time to listen to a CD set, and a 32-CD set for me is a six-month undertaking. However I think it would probably be more accurate to say I had not yet chosen to listen to this series out of my ambivalence for Jesus himself.
As Ken spoke of his experiences with Jesus throughout his life (most of them not consciously identified as Jesus until later in life) it made me think about the rich and undeniable cadre of experiences I’ve had of Jesus throughout my own life. As I listened and drove under dark skies and pouring rain, I felt the softness of his presence like a warm blanket in my mind. I felt deeply touched, grateful, and safe — not from the rain or traffic, but safe within my process, safe in the knowledge that he who had brought me this far would see me through the rest of the way, that I would not be left comfortless, and that the outcome was assured.
Somewhere along the way I realized that my previous rushing to get the drive over with was just another form of my rushing away from him. When I looked up from that thought, there were two state troopers waiting for speeders in either direction.
At the end of the first CD Ken includes Beethoven’s 15th String Quartet, calling it one of the most beautiful pieces of music ever written, and the most important piece of music in his life. Upon this music, Beethoven, who had just recovered from a near-fatal illness, wrote, “Sacred song of thanksgiving from a convalescent to the Godhead”. Ken explained that we’re all convalescing (from the illness of separation), and for us Jesus represents the Godhead, so this song would speak for all of us who would speak the sacred song of thanksgiving to Jesus.
He also mentioned how Beethoven wrote “From the heart, may it go to the heart” on the title page of Missa Solemnis (”Solemn Mass”), and how he hoped that inscription would express the meaning of the 15th Quartet and the workshop itself.
As I listened, Las Vegas (sin city) began its retreat in my rearview mirror, and for the first time all day, the sun broke through the clouds.
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