FACIM D1: The Unhealed Healer
Hello, I am a monkish Course in Miracles student, and I am an unhealed healer. There. Feel better already. Pass the scotch.
The monastery bus gets rolling early this morning so that we might reach the Foundation in time for the 1pm start of the above-titled workshop. I will have company on this trip: Bonnie will be sitting up front near the driver. It will be nice to have someone pass the chips. Oh, and the good company, too. The good company.
I made an addition to the monastery late last night that means a lot to me, personally (name of new room pending — suggestions welcome). You might notice the new icon of a sun, or light, at the top left of the page. If you click on it (warning: music will start playing as soon as you open the page), you will see and hear exactly how I spend my sunsets. It is a very helpful way for me to remember nothing happened. I hope it brings you the same comfort and peace it brings me, especially when you really need it.
Had this dream last night: Was in class at the Foundation sitting up close to Ken in a big comfy chair, warm blanket wrapped around me, soft pillow behind my head. I felt as snug as a bug. He spoke about how not to let the past affect us. It was his way of indirectly referring to my difficult experiences in class last month, and trying to reassure me. Throughout the class he wouldn’t look at me directly, so as not to frighten me. Then, as I became more comfortable, he looked at me lovingly, and said “Your past is gone.”
Will be back later this evening with notes from class. All aboard!
[8:02pm] Today’s drive took 5 hours and 36 minutes. Checked in at La Quinta (review coming soon), and after a quick shower, headed straight over to the Foundation.
Ken was in a groove today, and I ended up with a whopping 16 pages of notes. More than that, I could sometimes hear the Note behind my notes. The Word beyond his words.
A few excerpts of my notes from The Unheeled Unhealed Healer:
• The unhealed healer makes the error real, thinks there is a problem, and then tries to do something about it. The correction: not bothering with sin at all, the forms at all — they’re not the problem, the problem is we’ve made sin real. The unhealed healer has not accepted within themselves that the sin is unreal, and therefore everything they do is contaminated with that belief. They will teach the ego thought system thinking, “I am being kind, wise and helpful.” I. I. I. You can only be kind as a right mind. A body can never be kind.
• What makes an unhealed healer an unhealed healer is that they don’t know what has to be changed is not the ego but the belief in the ego.
• Freud knew a bad thing when he saw it, he just didn’t know bad things don’t exist.
• How wise can we be to continue to try to solve a problem that doesn’t exist, a thought that doesn’t exist?
• Nothing here works because it comes from a thought that doesn’t work.
• A concern for people is hate. You don’t know that it is, you think you are being kind and considerate. Anytime you see another body as different from you, that’s separation.
• The unhealed healer thinks their wisdom heals, their brilliance heals, their creativity heals. Wrong. That is what attacks. A healed healer is one who no longer believes in nightmares of any kind.
• The only thing that heals is example. Wisdom, brilliance and creativity do not undo guilt. Example does.
• If you truly want to make a difference in the world, heal yourself. If you really want people to heal their belief in separation, show you no longer believe in it.
• You can only be a true healer when you recognize your mistake: namely, that you think there is someone out there to be healed.
• A healed healer appreciates the power of the mind and chooses again.
• When Helen asked Jesus what she should say to someone, Jesus responded: “Don’t ask me what to say to this brother, ask me instead to see him through the eyes of peace and not judgment.” You ask Jesus to help you with your perception, not something external from you. The help you’re asking for is help to undo anything that interferes.
• An unhealed healer thinks there are separate interests: You have a problem, I don’t have that problem, I can help you with your problem. All seeming helping situation are to learn we are all the same.
• Practice: Right-minded use of our worldly situations (being a psychotherapist, scientist, plumber, ACIM teacher, parent) is that we use the same situation/form, we are faithful to the role, not because it’s important, but because it’s the classroom in which I will learn I am not guilty, that we’re all the same. Otherwise you will fall into specialness and importance. So fulfill your role, but see that we all share the same interest of healing our mind and returning Home. Simply monitor your own thoughts, your ego reactions. Do your worldly job, AND monitor your own reactions, and any feeling that does not reflect shared interests, then know you are sick, too, and need to ask for help. The Psychotherapy Pamphlet doesn’t deal with the patient, technique or psychotherapy. Healing occurs when the therapist forgets to judge the patient.
• You can’t teach this Course unless you are forgiving, kind and loving. You can teach the form, but not the content. It’s not the words that heal, it’s the example.
• Judgment = seeing separate interests. Non-judgment = seeing shared interests on the level of the mind.
• A healer does not heal, he lets healing be.
• Respect a person’s pain as they are experiencing it. Work with and help people on the level of pain and the level of their suffering, but in your mind know that the only pain is believing we are separate from our Source. Remember the pain is coming from their choice for the ego. But be careful you don’t fall into callousness, which is very easy to do. Teach them by your example that they could choose peace. It’s not verbal, and it’s not done with metaphysics.
• A healed healer is someone who is unaffected by the world.
• There is no difference between helper and the one being helped.
• The only way I can be truly helpful is to get my ego out of the way, then love will come in a form people can accept.
• When you make other people’s suffering real you are condmening them to being a body, and if you really love them you want to teach them that they have the power to choose peace, and you can’t do this as long as you share their dream.
July 11th, 2009 at 6:32 am
Jamie, I absolutely love the new addition. To be able to look at such a loving, clear symbol is a wonderful gift.
I got such a smile from your description of Bonnie’s function in the bus, and not to be confused with a holy symbol yet, I hope she poked you, lol
And your dream brought tears. I have just been reading that part about Helen’s conversation with Jesus, which also brought tears. I know I feel so unworthy….
Hope you have exactly the experience you both need this trip …sending hugs to you both.
July 11th, 2009 at 8:06 am
The face of Jesus. Made me smile and feel warm and comfy inside. We’ll be in class together today, although in different form. :) Enjoy your class. Much love….
July 11th, 2009 at 9:14 am
Thank you very much for the new additiion, it is amazing. It´s a great help for all of us who walk this world in desolation. A beatiful and peaceful reminder for our mind that, yes, there is another way. You only have to look at Ken´s love an listen to the music, to know there is hope.
It´s great you have such a company for the trip. And I want you both know your blog is an invaluable present for all the monks. Now we are going to have four eyes and four ears collecting workshop information for all of us. Thanks again and enjoy your trip.
Your dream renew my hope that some day in a certain moment maybe I will say: the past is gone. Love, Lisi
July 11th, 2009 at 9:49 am
Thank you for the new addition. I immediately opened it up expecting to see a sunset and instead was given this beautiful, warm, loving symbol that made me instantly feel loved. It moved me so. This is what love looks like. Hugs hugs, DonnaD.
July 11th, 2009 at 10:22 am
on the road again :) to this loving spaceless and timeless place. I wish i could be with you two in class, quietly sat waiting to hear one more time Ken extending his loving melody trought our heart … have a good class :)
July 11th, 2009 at 2:51 pm
I now consider this Beethoven quartet (?) to be the Ken Wapnick theme.
Jamie, I respect your devotion to Ken, while my ego is flashing big WARNING signs at me. Devotion to another human being (no matter how enlightened) is fraught with potential pitfalls, as you know. Guru worship (in whatever form) is sort of anathema to the Western mind. As you know, the ego is behind every burning bush.:-)
OK, I admit that my ego’s theme is “It’s My Party, and I’ll Cry if I Want to” (Leslie Gore, early 60’s).
July 11th, 2009 at 3:47 pm
Ken’s a human being? :)
July 11th, 2009 at 4:45 pm
Monk,
My tummy is tingly with butterflies as Heather and I get everything ready for our trip down Sunday morning. Save us some seats near the fron–er, back of class….hmmmm… maybe we’ll just stay in the parking lot and listen through an intercom like at the drive-in.
blessings,
Nick
July 11th, 2009 at 5:01 pm
Ken was the voice inside the burning bush. He’s done a lot of spiritual voice-overs throughout time. Before time/space began, He also said “Hey, I have this really insane idea, and everyone promise not to laugh, OK?”* And so it all began….
*Of course, that’s the story for all of us here, isn’t it?
Now we are all in a really big slumber party in heaven and Ken is saying “Hey, I have this really sane idea for getting us back Home as One”.
July 11th, 2009 at 6:40 pm
With respect to Will’s Lesley Gore selection, I am choosing instead for my theme song an Everly Brothers’ tune… All I Have To Do Is Dream….. Dream, Dream, Dream…. No, No, wait. Pretender by Jackson Browne. No, maybe Guilty by Streisand & Gibb.
Yes, I will try to listen to Ken when I am not so angry about what he’s saying… burning bush or not. See? There are others here who talk about listening to him from the freakin parking lot for cryin out loud, and they’re PAYING to hear this stuff!!! I Really don’t like that he’s a senior in college and I’m in kindergarten and I haven’t the foggiest idea of what he’s talking about or how to do it half the time, and he keeps insisting that I’m Choosing this attitude.
Can ya please point me to the Kindergarten class? I’m sure this Monastery must have a spot for beginners, maybe a door that says: “You can live your whole life with just this one line: “I could see peace instead of this.” (Lesson 34) That’s the sum and substance of A Course in Miracles.”
Wait. That was Ken. Maybe he loves me, too. (Five minutes and some Kleenex later:) It’s not really Ken I’m talking about, is it. I’m really worried that maybe Jesus doesn’t love me and has no room for Course In Miracles kindergartners. But, that’s just silly, isn’t it? Isn’t it?
July 11th, 2009 at 6:54 pm
yes but we are allowed to be silly Debbi and here`s a great big hug from silly old winnie pooh bear xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo
July 11th, 2009 at 7:19 pm
Debbi,
That analogy about Ken being a senior and us as lost kindergarteners was awesome. That’s exactly how I feel.
July 11th, 2009 at 11:27 pm
Jamie,
I hope you will be willing to explain what Ken meant by “Concern is hate” in your notes above. Presumably, if concern is hate, then concern must be ego-based. Why is that? Is it a matter of semantics? I see concern as love, e.g., my dog is ill and I am “concerned” for him because he cannot tell me what is wrong, and I don’t want him to be in pain, etc. My concern for a sick dog (as an example) is hate?
I’ve read the text a few times and done the Lessons and I’ve never come across that concept: Concern is hate. But I assume Ken said much more about this or did everyone just shake their heads in dogmatic agreement and write it down?
July 11th, 2009 at 11:44 pm
Time wounds all heels.
July 12th, 2009 at 12:38 am
Will, I have more than half [and still collecting] of all of Ken`s recorded workshops. I have never heard him be rude or arrogant and certainly never angry. On the contrary he is ALWAYS loving and often humorous.
Yes it must be said he is generally not what one would call an entertaining speaker but i think this is because he is brutally honest {for our own good} and non-compromising in his one duty, which is to tell us what the course says and not an interpretation of it.
By the way thank you for being so open-hearted and honest. I love people like you who are not afraid to bare their soul :)
July 12th, 2009 at 7:29 am
I agree with comment #6 from Will Christie. The picture of Ken with the worshipping music is guru worship. We must find the truth within, not in an idol. I hope you take it down. Timothy
July 12th, 2009 at 8:07 am
I’m sure Ken has his bad days, he has an ego just like the rest of us, right? He’s a good teacher but he’s no different than the rest of us. Timothy
July 12th, 2009 at 8:08 am
I have suggestions for the new room:
Remembrance-room
or
sunset-room
or
return-room
and for the ones who see Ken (or anybody else) as a guru – you could also look at it as a mirror of your own Love. It’s just wonderful for me to see that Love reflected in as many as possible.
Oh. I could also suggest
“heavenly rest-room”
July 12th, 2009 at 8:19 am
I am glad to read people objecting to the new room with the picture of Ken and “heavenly music” playing. It is like an altar, and it is not appropriate. Ken is not Jesus. We are not meant to worship him, and when I see a room like that it feels like a cult, just what Jesus warned against. I also hope the new room gets taken down.
July 12th, 2009 at 9:02 am
These comments just seem absurd to me. If something speaks of love to you, it only makes sense to use it. This in no way makes it a guru or a god, just a tool. And if it helps reorient your mind to gentleness and kindness, how can that be inappropriate? I am very grateful for this new page, and will use it lovingly and often. Thank you so much, Monk.
July 12th, 2009 at 9:06 am
Thanks, Jess! I also want to add my voice in gratitude for the new page. It is, for me, a simple and loving way to get in touch with the love that abides in us all.
July 12th, 2009 at 9:22 am
:::hugs all:::
“• A concern for people is hate. You don’t know that it is, you think you are being kind and considerate. Anytime you see another body as different from you, that’s separation.”
It took me ages to “see” my judgments were pure and simple defensive self-righteousness which built walls between my-self and another self. The ego is such a trickster. It is ever so simple to attack and not check my own motives.
Workbook 2: “I have given everything I see in this room [on this street, from this window, in this place] all the meaning that it has for me.”
Peace, love and light ~ Anne
July 12th, 2009 at 9:45 am
I too have my issues with the new room but it really doesn’t not matter. I had the opportunity to listen to KW at the Edgar Cayce Center in Virginia a few weeks ago. One of his statements reference our opinions (if I may paraphrase ) was to believe whatever you want to believe but do not be attacking. Another thing he stated is, progress comes from being an ego and not judging it.
July 12th, 2009 at 10:29 am
CLICK, CLICK, CLICK…the projector is always working. Eventually we will see everything as love or a call for love. In the meantime, nothing matters, we set it up to see differences.
Hugs to everyone..
July 12th, 2009 at 10:57 am
Monk sees Ken in person very often. He feels Real Love from Ken. So he has a picture of Ken to remind him of that Real Love. That Real Love is actually Monk’s own. Ken is just a symbol of it for him.
This website reminds me of Real Love. Should it be taken down because I have made an idol of it? The Course reminds me of Real Love. Should it not be published anymore?
Peace to all who do not find Ken a symbol of Love, may you find it in your own way, your own time. When you do, you can be sure it is only the reflection of the Real Love that you hold inside your own mind and heart.
July 12th, 2009 at 11:01 am
Thank you Jess and Meredith. I add my voice again in gratitude for the new add. For me Ken is not a guru, but surely, he is for me the proof that there is another way. Thank you Jamie, again.
July 12th, 2009 at 1:49 pm
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July 12th, 2009 at 2:05 pm
Re: “Please help me to see my brother through the eyes of peace and not judgment”.
Jesus also added: “And the Help of God and all His angels will respond.”
After reading “Absence From Felicity” and finding this quote, it has been a cornerstone of forgiveness-thought for me. The promise that the Help of Heaven is in that request is a powerful mind-changer for me. Although the original quote says “eyes of Truth and not of judgement”, Peace and Truth are interchangeable.
Sometimes when the stuff hits the fan I need something immediate to quickly ask for Help. I use this form of request. The results speak for themselves. I usually end up ‘observing’ rather than ‘reacting’ after this request but I don’t quite understand the mechanics of it, except that immediate peacefulness is hard to throw a stick at. So I don’t care if I don’t understand why it works for me, it just does. After all, peacefulness is what I’m going for, and ‘a tranquil mind is not a small gift.’
July 12th, 2009 at 2:27 pm
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July 12th, 2009 at 2:50 pm
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July 12th, 2009 at 3:15 pm
Will, when i see the image of ken, I see Love, and not Ken. Love comes through Ken very visibly here. When I sit in front of that photo, I feel seen by Love. That does a lot of things with me. Fear, alot of that. And then slowly, Love is being allowed to seep in. And I am happy about having such a wonderful Love-filled photo that I can sit in front of, reminding me that what I look at is always me.
July 12th, 2009 at 5:15 pm
I too love the picture of Ken. I unashamedly adore him, and not just because he is such a pure channel for Love but also because in terms of what i think is most important in the world, he has made such a major contribution.
I have no qualms about being an idol worshipper. I couldnt get through the day without chocolate. I`m an ego and thats what egos do.
July 12th, 2009 at 5:46 pm
Winnie, you are NOT an ego. That is the entire point of the Course In Miracles.
July 12th, 2009 at 5:50 pm
Winnie = A Breath Of Fresh Air
July 12th, 2009 at 7:39 pm
Whoah, I guess I came in after a heated conversation. I am neither here nor there about the new tab, but I definitely was not expecting the giant picture of Ken when I clicked it. Wapnick attack! My ego got too scared and closed the window immediately. lol It was like a microcosm of all my ego defenses. “Love! Ahh….I need to watch some crazy cats on Youtube!”
July 12th, 2009 at 9:13 pm
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July 12th, 2009 at 10:14 pm
Great talking with you and Bonnie today Jamie! I’m not sure why but she is so familiar to me…wait, maybe I am sure why. :) This one is my saving grace time and time again…Lesson 153…In my defenselessness my safety lies. I appreciate that you follow your heart and are so honest and real in your blog, it is really helpful. See ya tomorrow! :)
July 13th, 2009 at 6:29 am
Its a beautiful picture of a great teacher…no need to freak out!
July 13th, 2009 at 8:13 am
Will ! please don’t leave, I appreciate your points of view ! Lots of love from Finland :)
July 13th, 2009 at 8:44 am
I have a picture of Ken tucked into an upper corner of my desktop.
Since I still think I’m a body and Ken is a body separate from mine, when I look at his picture I see someone looking at me with deep love. “I love you.” He’s assuring me. “No strings, no conditions, no judgments. Just love.”
Fortunately, I can shrink this picture to penny size or expand it to full desktop or make it disappear altogether, which I do quite often. I’m in control! With apologies to Paul Frances Webster, True love is a many frightful thing!
More and more In the brief moments that I glance at this picture, I can feel my resistance to letting love into my heart.
Such fear. Monumental fear.
Fortunately, there are moments when love floats past the sleeping sentries at the gates and another chunk of the wall melts away and tears well up in my heart and flood my eyes.
At times when I’m weary of self-judgment or feelings of worthlessness, I allow myself a respite from torturing myself and choose instead to consider that I am the Love that I seek – that I see in the eyes of a seeming other.
Takes one to know one. :)
July 13th, 2009 at 8:49 am
hey nick and heather – it was great to talk to you, too! i felt the same – like you guys were already good friends. easy and very enjoyable conversation! see you in an hour or so. :)
July 13th, 2009 at 9:23 am
What a lovely way to articulate, Cynthia what is in my heart~
With Love and Gratitude~
July 13th, 2009 at 9:32 am
awww, cynthia. thank you for sharing – very sweet. i appreciate your openness and honesty. the first time i heard ken on cd, i was surprised by his thick accent and his roughness and candidness – so different from what i had come to think of as a ’spiritual’ voice or manner. i was so grateful to hear that he was normal! no put-ons… but the love coming through was unmistakable. i knew right away he was my teacher. but i was totally unprepared for when i met him. i was nervous, but excited, and not sure how i was going to react or respond to him. when he came out into the lobby and started greeting people, i experienced a tremendous flow of love and kindness that had no barrier – no ego. i was stunned. it wasn’t even anything i could put my finger on… just someone with his arms wide open (figuratively) for everyone. we introduced ourselves and there were nice interactions, but after that i was content to just sit on the lounge sofa and watch him interact with other people. the new sunset room to me is a comforting and beautiful space to remember that powerful example of love.
July 13th, 2009 at 3:22 pm
I understand, totally, Bonnie.
I, too, enjoy watching Ken greeting and hugging his students and friends.
Touching people lovingly.
July 14th, 2009 at 10:47 am
Cynthia, loved your articulations. I’ve never met Ken nor do I know any of the ‘whispering monks’ but your last post echoes my sentiments especially the line that says ‘I am the love that I seek – that I see in the eyes of seeming other. Beautiful. Thank you!
Will, I look forward to your trek back to the monastery.
July 14th, 2009 at 3:30 pm
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July 15th, 2009 at 12:51 am
Silly us, we’re the fools that are trying to learn to say “I Could See Peace Instead Of This”. Gotta be somethin really wrong about that kind of thinkin. Not interesting. Makes for very boring website fodder. All this kindness has just gotta stop. It’s beginning to look like a peaceful Monastery around here.
July 15th, 2009 at 8:18 am
Will wrote: “Thanks to Jane or whoever is willing to post these comments that do not jive with Jamie’s views at all.”
—
Will: It has been Jamie who has been authorizing your posts.
Jane
July 15th, 2009 at 8:29 am
Haha! Very nice, Debbi. You put my thoughts into words. It reminds me of what Ken teaches, that to the ego (lover of drama), choosing the Holy Spirit is very boring (even and calm). I’ll take it!
July 15th, 2009 at 9:52 am
Will Christie…….you are interesting, that is for sure. And we ALL have egos. That’s the point. And in it’s purest sense, the ego does not really exist because none of this is real……right? But it’s still the biggest part of our curriculum. Here’s how I see it. Everything we ecounter, think, create for ourselves, comment on, judge, praise, glorify, forgive, love, and hate, etc., is the outward view of the classroom that then allows us to reflect internally within our minds to correct it. So believing in and dealing with and messing up because of our ego state is the necessary means to an end. Whenever that is. The less serious I take the Course, the more meaningful it becomes to me and the deeper I understand it. And although I am a daily and dedicated follower of it’s journey and believe it is the best psychological tool out in the pragmatic world today………it’s NOT the end all for willingness and awareness.
Too many Course students drink the kool-aide and get lost, obviously trying to escape the curriculum they signed up for when they entered this particular lifetime. And guess what, you can’t avoid “who” you naturally are…even if that resembles a Mother Teresa type, or a Charles Manson type. It’s part of your curriculum, your dream, and there in lies the lessons that allow you, me, and everyone to correct by chosing again. That’s it. We signed up for this particular episode of our so-called lives. It’s pretty simple if you think about it. But to some Course students, any type of negative thoughts that are “bad” which lead to their “fear” of God’s wrath that they know lurks just beneath the surface because just the idea of having their “bad” thought terrifies them, so they go into an unnatural “lock down”, or denial state to convince themselves that they are good, and therefore God will now NOT punish them, keeps them in sort of a zombie state. And why? The negative is necessary for the positive to come forward. So deal with it because this wonderful tool, the Course teaches us HOW to deal with it…………but without the need to become a spiritual zombie.
Like I mentioned yesterday, there are a lot of other fine books out about the Course that completely and totally support it’s path, but do allow their content to be more pragmatic because after all, this is an insane world that we have all chosen to live in and until you really and truly figure out how to deal with that, and really understand what Jesus is really saying within the Course, you’ll never figure it out and spend an eternity in human-form bliss. And that ain’t what we’re here for. Now is it.
Peace!
July 15th, 2009 at 11:04 am
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September 2nd, 2009 at 10:51 am
Oh, Lord, (in a cuss way, not a prayer way) it seems I have so far to go… Lord help me (in a prayer way, not a cuss way) I don’t understand how I will get there…