Flattery Will Get You Everywhere
The following is an excerpt from my class from two weeks ago:
“Ego’s love compliments. We think we want compliments about our body or our appearance or our various abilities, but when someone compliments us, behind that compliment is the compliment that the ego really wants, the one that says “You are here!” That is the greatest compliment that we can pay another ego, and we can do it in many subtle ways… through false empathy, good intentions and sacrifice.
“You are here.” That’s what we invite when we dress ourselves a certain way to get compliments. I mean, we all have to dress ourselves, what I am talking about here is when we are doing that with a motivation and a purpose to attract attention and get compliments. When they are important to us. Behind the seductive whisper that says, “You look beautiful tonight,” is an even quieter, more seductive whisper that says, “You are here!” That’s what we really smile about. That’s what makes us feel really good. And the same is true whether the words are flattering or unflattering. If we take them seriously it’s because we wanted to be reassured of our separate existence, and whether we are smiling or crying on the outside, we are smiling inwardly.
The only one true compliment is to compliment your mind. And the way you compliment it is by letting go of the ego. That’s the only compliment that you want, and it’s the only compliment that can be paid. We do our hair and we want compliments for the way we’ve done our hair. We buy new clothes and we want compliments for the way we look in our new clothes. We write a brilliant book and we want compliments for what we have written. We don’t want those compliments. Our ego does but we don’t… the part of us that wants to be healed doesn’t. The part of us that knows and no longer wants the pain of specialness.
It’s not that we should not want compliments, it’s that we would not want to take them seriously — for them to become our salvation. If you compliment yourself by denying the denial of love, you won’t need any compliments. A hundred people a day can come up and fawn over you, and it would just slide right off of you. You may say thank you very much, but nothing would stick to you because you would no longer want the ego thought system to stick to you.
The only compliment that we really want, that we really deserve, that speaks to our value and worth, is the compliment of forgiveness.”
