Ken Wapnick: Don’t Work at Forgiveness
From the Conductor and the Orchestra: The Music of Forgiveness workshop, Ken says:
Choosing forgiveness isn’t anything positive. Don’t work at it. Don’t try. Don’t work at forgiving, work at looking at the ego and allowing yourself to be anxious about <whatever>. Forgiveness means undoing the ego. Forgiveness, miracle, correction, salvation, atonement all undo. The miracle does not do, it undoes. True learning in this world is unlearning. The reflection of Heaven’s positive in this world is undoing the negative. How? You sit quietly and do nothing. You look and wait and you don’t judge. That’s how you undo the negative. You don’t work, you don’t try, you don’t fight. You allow yourself to be sickened by your choices, sickened by how you treat others, sickened by how you treat yourself, sickened by how angry you get all the time, by how much you judge. If you’re not sickened by it, you won’t choose against it. If you’re not sickened by it, part of you still embraces it, so you say, “That’s the truth. I don’t want to let go of my ego. I talk a good game, but when it comes right down to it, I don’t want to let it go.” That’s honest. You get an A+, that’s wonderful.
June 27th, 2009 at 6:59 am
Good One Jamie, and one I need reminding of so often. Thanks for doing it with such love and gentleness.
June 27th, 2009 at 6:50 am
Thanks for posting that. Very cool.
June 27th, 2009 at 8:05 am
I liken this post to a bright ray of light piercely fiercing thru the dark clouds looming over my ego, exposing it, making it quiver and surrender. Thank you.
June 27th, 2009 at 9:31 am
“. If you’re not sickened by it, you won’t choose against it. If you’re not sickened by it, part of you still embraces it, so you say, “That’s the truth. I don’t want to let go of my ego.”
So – if i am sickened by it, I am judging it – right? and forgiveness is looking without judging? so I am confused here.
June 27th, 2009 at 9:35 am
It’s a great question, Nina, because it’s a fine line. Here is the difference:
Looking at the ego with judgment = I want to keep it.
Looking at the ego and being sickened by it = I don’t want to do this anymore.
June 27th, 2009 at 9:41 am
I really appreciate this post, and it flows nicely with this week’s Oratory class. It reminds me of Ken’s quote that you mentioned (I hope I got this right) “Forgiveness doesn’t mean that you are filled with sweetness and light. It means you forgive yourself for being filled with [words may be off in form] hatred and darkness.” I love this. I spent quite a bit of time trying to “be spiritual.” I love that there is finally a path in which I can be honest about what’s in my mind (although you may not want to know…) :-)
June 27th, 2009 at 10:03 am
I don´t have words to say thank you for all this. This excerpt from Ken´s workshop is really what ALL need to know and practice. I agree with Sarah this is the perfect companion of this week´s Oratory class. I heard it last night, and the only thing I can say is thank you, now I need to hear it again, and again to grasp all the richeness of this class. I don´t know if this is the right place to do so, but I very much recommend to all monks in the Monastery to subscribe to your classes. I think they are a must, if you want to really understand the Course for the purpose of really applying it to our everyday lives. Thank you again.
June 27th, 2009 at 10:05 am
I am with you, Sarah! That quote really hit me – wow. And, by the way, I loved your trashy novel question and all the discussion it spurred. I think everyone can relate to that question, and our tendency to run away from love into a meaningless distraction. It was an incredibly moving class for me, and I am grateful you asked.
For Leni – Terrific description above… I can allllllmost see that the surrender you mentioned is more peace-inducing than terrifying, though, I obviously don’t fully believe it, yet.
For Nina – Thank you so much for asking that question – helpful for me to have that clarity!
June 27th, 2009 at 10:40 am
Great post and monk/monkette discussion! As Lisi mentioned, participating in and/or subscribing to the classes has been extremely beneficial for me as well. I highly recommend it! :)
June 27th, 2009 at 10:54 am
Ken always seems to say the unexpected, at least to me!
Working at forgiveness seems to be emphasized a lot in some Course groups. If you do have a grievance, but want to get rid of the resulting miserable feelings, you are told to work hard to expel those ego feelings (like someone constipated and “working hard” at relieving it….so to speak). OR, you can apply the spiritual “ex-lax” method!!!! (Everyone can collectively groan at this point).
We can ask for the Holy Spirit’s help, knowing that true forgiveness may be beyond our self, but not our Self. We then gently trust that the forgiveness process will continue because in reality no one has done anything to our eternal self. Who wants a raging battle of good and evil going on within their Mind, like the Spartan 300?
Perhaps seeing the ego clearly is what Christian “witnessing” may really be about. Be a witness to what the ego is doing. Gurdjieff urged his followers to be an observer to their thoughts and emotions almost a century ago.
As for judging the ego, maybe it is just semantics, but I refer to this NOT as judgment but as SPIRITUAL DISCERNMENT. If I realize that hitting myself in the head with a hammer hurts, I do not have to judge the hammer or my hand. However, I can discern that the pain will stop if I simply stop unconsciously hitting myself with the hammer. Then the decision maker can decide to lay the hammer down. No judgment, just observation and discernment.
Love and Purple Puddles of Passion to You,
Will
June 27th, 2009 at 11:40 am
Thanks to you, Jaime, and to all who have posted here. I’m finding an interesting experience in messages I am receiving from the HS and then those of the ego. The HS gives me milli-second visions that do not represent “hatred and darkness,” yet they are meant to get my attention and focus…the last one being a picture of my arms in front of me pushing away someone else’s arms. Interesting, huh? The ego, on the other hand, is not afraid to actually speak during my half awake states. It is darkness and hatred…it judges me big time and has harsh words and ridicule for my involvement with the Course. I was shocked to find that its judgmental voice is my own, and I curl into a fetal position in my bed in response like the toddler I am berated by some elder authority. Not happy that my reaction was fear of the ego…but hope to be given another opportunity to hear it again some day…and have the understanding to just wait and listen and do nothing. Thanks for
shoring me up in preparation.
Love you guys…
June 27th, 2009 at 11:10 am
Thank-you so much for your post. I really resonated to what you said. I think the only way we can change our minds is to really see what we are doing. If all of us could do just what you recommend this world would be in such a different place. I also agree with all the comments posted above. I am curious about the Oratory class. What is that? It is very refreshing to see that people are understanding the course at this level. I do know Ken Wapnick and he is a gem.
June 27th, 2009 at 12:16 pm
Eileen, the Monk gives weekly classes which he posts online for people to listen to and/or download. You can visit Monk Classes for more information.
June 27th, 2009 at 2:16 pm
Laura,
We are all Toddlers here. You are in good company. I just found out I have been summoned (I love that word, like being summoned before the Queen to be judged and beheaded) to Superior Court duty in early August. My ego is just loving it! I am witnessing an irritation that even has my tummy slightly quivering. “Oh, my god! I have to drive into downtown Phoenix on a weekday during commute traffic. I am hopelessly doomed….no, no, no.” Ah, the beauty and peace of the ego mind….always sooooooooo balanced without a slight of exageration or paranoia.
My point is that the ego mind is constantly chattering to us. We are so accustomed to it that we don’t even notice. Then some event occurs, and the ego pushes up its volume so that its presence can’t be missed (although a lot of people just BECOME the ego reaction instead of witnessing it). Happily, the Holy Spirit is also constantly speaking to us, but in a very quiet peaceful voice. The Holy Spirit’s voice always gives message of peace, love, along with an occasional gentle “Get a grip on yourself!” :-)
Sigh….so I will give my jury duty to the Holy Spirit, and we will both look in bemusement at the ego’s outrage and fear (”Downtown Phoenix? Oh, how shall I survive?”). This fear of highrises and downtown traffic is coming from the same ego that lived in hectic traffic-insane San Francisco for over 30 years. If you can drive in San Francisco (I learned to drive a stick-shift on those insane hills!), you can drive anywhere. The biggest “danger” in driving in downtown Phoenix is that you might have to swerve to avoid a prairie dog!
But the ego only remembers what it wants to remember. Our ego is the Drama Queen of the Universe. Two weeks ago I had a zit on my nose, and you would have thought that the 4 Horsemen of the Apocalypse were riding across the sky in broad daylight, calling my name! :-)
Blessings to you,
Will
June 27th, 2009 at 5:10 pm
i love Ken Wapnick { long happy sigh !}
p.s. pretty please could we have smiley icons somehow?
June 28th, 2009 at 6:17 am
Fantastic post, Jamie.
In the all-to-brief moments when I choose to let in the thought of non doing and non judging (”Spring comes and the grass grows by itself”) without panic and resistance, I can feel the warm embrace of love’s gentleness surround me. Then I’m off and running again. At times I have the attention span of a 2-year old. I’m glad there are so many rooms in the Monastery to play in :)
I so agree with you, Sarah. I have often thought the same thing. As challenging as it is to look at the ego, the process of learning to to this with Yeshua’s hand resting gently on my shoulder is a far more self-loving experience than secretly condemning and hating myself, pretending I’m “spiritual” and hoping nobody will notice what I know to be the truth.
And Will, I howled at your zit story. Zit, bad hair, big body, same thing. Good excuse, not that it needs any, for the ego to pull out the stops and go on a rampage.
Thank you all
June 28th, 2009 at 8:42 am
When the solid wall of granite feels as if it will never lift except for very brief moments at a time — which is my experience of the last four weeks….the oratory and this blog reveal to me Truth…in the most gentle kind way….and enables me to know that there is more than the pain….beyond the pain there really is Love. The way in which our Monk shares his process……helps me to trust my process….and continue the journey with a lighter load….
With Gratitude and Love~
June 28th, 2009 at 10:40 am
Will…
A big thanks for your words of encouragement. I hear you about the traffic issue. Also, the body issue, which made me laugh, too…and a reminder we gotta lighten up! Still…as one toddler to another…I gotta say…not to put you on edge…but just from experience… ego is a supremo change-up artist. Chances are your downtown Phoenix will go just fine…chances are something else will possibly pop up. Those are the ones that get me…the ones that pop up and catch me off guard. So as you can probably guess, I haven’t even come close to mastering The Rules for Decision yet. Jesus knows we aren’t up to facing this stuff alone…that’s why he says to consult him during these times. Sometimes I remember to do so and actually make it to the next point. Most of the time I don’t, and find myself flat on the floor. Who said learning to walk all over again was easy?
Happy Feet to All
June 28th, 2009 at 12:06 pm
Sucking my thumb and still in diapers, trying to find my feet. I’m with ya, Laura. :)
June 28th, 2009 at 3:08 pm
Molly, I would like to read your daily blog too! (BIG smile)
June 28th, 2009 at 2:36 pm
I forgive first by asking for Jesus for help when I really feel upset by something. I ask him for help because I already know that I can not possibly help myself because I have tried every which way to do that with no luck, over along time, so I really need Jesus’ guidance. So with him, I look (step back) at what I am feeling and try to get to the bottom or root of it. We know from the Course that I am reacting to guilt in some way because I think I have separated from God. This is interpreted by our ego as a sin. That sense of sinning against God and who we were as Christ in God is incredibly deep and profound. Anyway, once I own what I am feeling if I am projecting blame and get as far as can to the one root cause, I ask Jesus now to help me see my guilt from another perspective. At that point, I surrender the problem to Jesus by going into a receptive, listening meditative state (this is doing absolutely nothing but pure listening-mind is open and quiet, which automatically releases the problem or my feelings to Jesus and switches me to the right mind. Jesus then gives me a Miracle which instantly exposes the Truth in my right mind with him. This is like going from night to bright daylight in a split second. It’s mind blowing, literally. From a right minded state, I then look back at what my ego or wrong mind just thought or felt. Automatically from this right minded state, I see that what my ego thought is an illusion. I have learned from being guided by Jesus that an illusion is like a dream; it never happened in the first place. Also, now since I am experiencing the Truth, I am also aware that whatever my ego thought/felt has had no effect whatsoever on the right minded state of Truth, which is permanent or always present, changeless and eternal. Therefore, I can forgive myself for what my ego thought/felt because it’s an illusion; illusions never occur, and my real state that is God given can’t ever be altered by anything I do or say in my ego. So I am really off the hook completely and I am learning what I am really made of from Jesus’ Miracle. Overall, I do some of the work until I surrender. Then Jesus gives me a Miracle and lastly, I look back at my ego to learn it is an illusion. That’s how I started to learn forgiveness from Jesus. But I never call him that. I call him Y’shua, which is his common name. He is like an older wiser brother to me. Also, in fact, he is with us in Spirit when we are committed to his Path in A Course in Miracles, and we have come to that place in life where we have given up searching for ways to help ourselves. Then we are open to asking for his help to learn a better way from him. Y’shua has put me through a literal Course in Miracles which are still serving to wake me up. The Miracles have gotten rid of allot of my guilt. Quite sincerely this has radically changed my life. It’s rare for me to react and I have learned to be in a state of blessedness, sacredness, innocence and perfection for allot of the time. So he is my teacher and I hope others will turn to him too so they can go through a literal Course in Miracles. The Miracles he gives will teach you what forgiveness is. In the end, his Miracles taught me that we all are innocent and perfect so there is nothing to forgive.
June 28th, 2009 at 4:11 pm
Welcome Molly. I feel the sincerity of your words. I believe we’re all together in being guided and taught by Jesus, which is a beautiful thing. Of course our dear Monk and Ken are extraordinarily helpful in guiding us through the fog, ensuring we hold onto Jesus’ hand while, little by little, we undo our belief in the ego thought system. It’s a gentle and loving process under their guidance. May you continue to hang out with us and benefit! :)
June 28th, 2009 at 9:46 pm
Molly,
My opinion is that your post above was beautiful. I also did not see anything contra-Course within it. I assume that when Jesus gives you a miracle, that refers to a change of mind, a realization of truth. This in itself can change the illusion, since we manufacture it out of our mind. Perhaps I am just not as deep as some folks, but your post seemed very heartfelt, and I see no need for critical analysis or review by anyone else. Bless you.
Will
June 29th, 2009 at 4:20 am
All these whispers will ending by produce a tornado :) The monastery will need very soon to be enlarged … started with one monk and now inhabited by many.
June 29th, 2009 at 8:25 am
i love to get to know the ‘monks’ who read this blog, and am fascinated and many times inspired by the whispers. thanks, all, for sharing your voices here. it is the first thing i check in the morning, and i feel a growing sense of community and caring among us.
June 29th, 2009 at 8:47 am
And for every one who posts a comment, there are many, many more of us who do not! But we all read! The “church-mouse” monks and nuns.
June 29th, 2009 at 9:10 am
:::pssst::: i went exploring yesterday and found a poetry room in the Monastery. It is right around the Gallery.
June 29th, 2009 at 9:56 am
A friend sent me this quote of Ken’s, provided by Marcy on the DU list, which supplements this post very well. Thank you Marcy.
As Ken Wapnick says, “Being in the right mind is being in the wrong mind with Jesus.” The you that is involved in this is the you of the mind. When (you) see the Christ in yourself you will see the Christ in your brother. You don’t walk around affirming that you see the Christ in your brother (when you don’t). You can do that but it won’t really work. When you are sick enough of seeing what the ego is up to you will have the willingness to *choose again.* You would only make another choice, on the level of mind, after first seeing what the other choice was all about. You wouldn’t just say today I will choose Holy Spirit without having enough proof that the other way is just too painful and too sickening. And that’s what it’s all about.”
June 29th, 2009 at 5:41 pm
I don´t have words to explain it accurately, but…all this is so beautiful, I have years looking for this and…I agree with Bonnie that is fascinated to “hear” your voices here and be part of this community. Thanks a lot to all of you, I am also inspired by many of your comments. The supplement Marcy sent is another piece for our puzzle of forgiveness. I am trying to put them all together and see if, at last, I begin to grasp what forgiveness really is. I also agree with winnie, when I read her last sentence: “Finding the Course unmasked my inner arrogance”, it was as if she was talking about me. Thanks to the Monk, that made all this possible and thanks to all of you.
June 29th, 2009 at 7:23 pm
Have to share that something very interesting happened this evening on my way home from work. A big gold van pulled out in front of me. Thoughts usually flare over this…something akin to that #@$%$#! What kind of a driver can’t see that I will have to slow down if he/she pulls out in front of me? It happens practically daily or at least weekly. Always before…I glare behind the wheel and think incriminating thoughts. This time…nothing. I was actually waiting for the thought…anticipating that a “looking” was soon to be in order. I waited. I waited. I waited. And instead, the thought…”take all the road you need, brother.” And then…I smiled. Toddler still upright. Ahhh…feels good…thank you, brother.
June 29th, 2009 at 9:58 pm
Hi Winnie: In regards to your question about smileys in whisper #15: I just asked my developer if this was possible and he said “no”, :/ that WordPress wouldn’t be able to differentiate between smileys and links. I’ll keep an eye open though, as these things are always changing. If it becomes possible, I will have them added.
June 29th, 2009 at 10:16 pm
Hi Laura: Loved your success story. Thanks for sharing it. Guess you no longer want to mow down, Jesus! That’s GOTTA be good! :)
June 30th, 2009 at 4:59 am
I am thrilled this morning to see 34 whispers on this post! I, too, am very interested in getting to know all of you, and I love to read about your struggles and successes. It is fun to see the Monk commenting here, too! I am watching all the changes and improvements to the website unfold with gratitude and interest. Especially Twitter! Can’t get over the perfection of this blog for me…. feels like home. :)
June 30th, 2009 at 6:03 am
I am sitting here feeling so good this morning after reading the newer whispers and rereading the earlier ones. This Offering seems to have been akin to ringing the dinner bell. So many came out and participated. I just love it and the sense of community.
Thank you all for sharing and Jamie, I’m so glad you didn’t give up and continued providing us this welcoming monastery, so full of light and peace.
June 30th, 2009 at 7:52 am
I agree with Jess and Marty, this Monastery is really like home. I highly recommended, if you didn´t do so yet, to visit the reading loggia. Yesterday, I found a gem for me as a course student. Probably someone else wants to give it a look, the title is:This ain´t no country club. Enjoy it.
June 30th, 2009 at 12:40 pm
Hi! I want to refer to Jamies post dated April 22nd 2008. I very much agree with these thoughts but at the same time I have to admit that your blog and all You whispering monklings out there has become “sort of” my Course Community ! :)
Then there is one more thing I want to share; I am now reading Ken Wapnick’s : “Journey through the Workbook of A Course in Miracles” and it is very helpful for me . I want to mention this book in case somebody hasn’t heard about it yet.
Lots of Love from Hedda
P.S This post “Don’t Work at Forgiveness” is wonderful! Thank you so much!!!
June 30th, 2009 at 1:14 pm
Hedda,
Thanks for reminding us of the April 22, 2008 ACIM Monk Blog. This blog is so right, in that we each are on a spiritual journey with the Holy Spirit. I’ve found in my long life that this is true. By the way, when I was a kid, I thought predictions of color TV meant that the box surrounding the picture tube would soon be available in many colors, not what was shown on TV. In other words, I could not think outside the box (ha, ha).
For 5 years I’ve been involved with a Unity Church, because it is nice to have the discipline (as a retired person) to get out of the house and go to a place where there is a so-called spiritual community. Yet, in those 5 years the churn of people in/out of the so-called community has been incredible, and I’ve realized that community is a very fragile ephemeral construct.
Nonetheless, sharing with others is rewarding. In giving to others, we are often allowing the Holy Spirit to show us aspects of ourselves that would otherwise remain dormant. Therefore, I enjoy the sense of community here also, although I do not make it the purpose or goal of being here.
We are a little like fire flys that dance together in the summer evening for a few brief moments, then disperse, only to come together again in different configurations until the journey is complete. Then, to carry my wierd bug metaphor to extremes, we will merge into one big light. And even the ego’s biggest can of RAID bug killer will not impact us, as the illusion vanishes. :-)
June 30th, 2009 at 4:09 pm
This nunny is going to bed 12:06 am in tropical Rykkinn near Oslo in Norway.Remember to whisper only, no gregorian hymns please. But a night-hug from someone would be welcomed. Just knock softly three times on my cell-door.
Natti natti thanks for a great community-day
June 30th, 2009 at 4:12 pm
natti natti, nina-bear. xo
June 30th, 2009 at 10:58 pm
Thanks to all for these comments. I always find something her I can relate to that “pings” me real good. Today it’s Winnie’s reference to arrogance. Although in Monk’s dream June 7th posting “Dream: Leave Death Behind” he refers to his selfishness, for me it is my arrogance. Unbelievable, enormous, ugly, self-willing, crucifying, numbing arrogance. It blocks my willingness to see sameness in us all, to forgive myself, others, and mostly to forgive God and Jesus for not being the “Deities” I think they should be. (My basic attitude is that THEY are the ones who should “wake up” and smell the coffee, and quit being deaf, dumb and blind to the needs of all of us). LOL (winnie – internet-speak for a smily face)
There is something so healing about reading the words in this Monastery, from Monk and Monkettes alike. So obvious to me HS has lead me here. There are some days when it is the only way I will accept Love. It is enough.
Thank you all.
July 1st, 2009 at 11:32 am
Here’s a nice reminder!
“Let all things be exactly as they are”
As long as we are trying to get reality to match our picture of how things are supposed to be, we’re in a lot of trouble.
One persons experience with the Course is really no different than anothers. We can only change the things we are willing to change, can’t change a lot of them, and with hope, know the difference. So for me to “think” someone is interpreting the Course wrong, or applying Jesus and salvation wrong, is just plain wrong. There is no right way to use these methods. Even if our interpretation is “wrong”, who say’s that is the truth? Not even Ken would say that. Just the fact that we’re willing to tap into undoing is enough. What lays ahead is whatever! It doesn’t really matter. Nor should I care about how you lay out your path on your journey. There are a lot of teachers out there who teach the Course well. But it’s not about teaching the Course, it’s about “how” you teach the Course. Some are more qualified than others. Don’t forget that.
July 2nd, 2009 at 1:25 am
Debbi:
From your whisper I quote “There are some days when it is the only way I will accept Love. It is enough”
So true. (for me too)
Many thanks (to everyone as well)
Anil
July 2nd, 2009 at 12:26 pm
Thank you all for the wonderful comments you made on my response. What a beautiful group you all are and I look forward to getting to know the people here.
July 3rd, 2009 at 1:52 am
Hi Lisi,
What is the “reading loggia” you’re referring to ?
Presumably a link somewhere on this site ? Would like to take a look at it..
Cheers,
Anil
July 3rd, 2009 at 2:59 am
Hi Anil
The Reading Loggia is in the sidebar on the main page, about half way down the page. (Above the Poet’s Corner.) It’s a collection of some of the most popular posts on the site. Happy reading!
Jane
July 4th, 2009 at 11:43 am
Hi Anil: I saw jane-admin already answer your question. I´m sure you are going to enjoy the Reading Loggia and I want to make you a recommendation. Little by littley give a look to all the rooms in the Monastery, you are going to find them fantastic, you are going to learn a lot and also find a lot of peace. regards, Lisi
July 10th, 2009 at 12:44 am
Hi Lisi, Jane:
Many thanks for the pointers to the Reading Loggia. Will go check it out as soon as possible. (It’s the end of the week – yay – I can enjoy the weekend, and hopefully more of the monastery too :))
Cheers,
Anil
August 12th, 2009 at 1:06 am
Hey,
Looking and not judging… does it mean, I have to dissociate my self and look from above, so that it is not me who did the horrible stuff? When I place myself mentally in the body, I feel horribly guilty because of what I did and the pain is not going anywhere, perhaps because I judge it. So do I have to look a bit in a wider way and see it as an ego work but do not associate it with myself?
G.
February 13th, 2010 at 10:51 pm
this is one to look at over and over…….and over…….and over……..crap! I’m working at it again.
: )
February 13th, 2010 at 11:46 pm
Nick, I love it when you sneak around here late at night, looking at the really great stuff, bringing it up for me again… to read, ponder, disagree with (:::chortle snort:::) and learn from…. Hard not to work at forgiveness, isn’t it. We’re so used to DOING something, even if it’s wrong… and especially when it is!! Happy hall hunting, so glad you left these cookies for me to follow you with… mmmmmm.
Got milk?