A Course in Miracles Monk

Man, you’re quick DonnaD! It’s now linked to the pic, but I’m glad you got a laugh out of the trippy note. :)

There is no spoon
There is no spoon
There is no spoon

I think you could move all of my posts here…. I’m always makin a big deal outta somethin.

Happy to think of you and Heather enjoying yourselves in Hawaii, Nick. :)

OK, this Big Deal post seems to really fit for me today…
“Something you used to take seriously is no longer a big deal.”

For the past four years I have had all sorts of what the world would say Big Deals going on…everything turned upside down suddenly, what appeared to be separation from mega special relationships, so called victims, and so called victimizers, keeping children safe, trauma that feels so real, all my immediate family relationship thrown into flux (husbands/wives, mothers/daughters, fathers, sisters, everyone…it seemed.)

I could go on as I know we all could. So many times being swept into the Big Deal O Meter ego world and then many times remembering truth and bringing the darkness to the light. Grateful that I found ACIM before this all errupted inside me.

Then today, a brand new opportunity to jump down the Big Dealo ego hole…and I looked and I quickly remembered to ask for help and step back and let him lead the way. And peace seems more attractive to me now. There is no hope in the world but I am not hopeless, I am free…to learn…to choose again.

I notice that for the past weeks I have been very quiet and dealing with a lot forgiveness and sickness and being alone a lot. I am usually quite active in the world with work, husband, 8 year old daughter, etc. But I’ve been staying mostly at home doing very little activity…resting a lot. I have been spending much more time than usual connecting with HS/Jesus, studying ACIM, Ken Wapnick and of course loving our monestary here very often.

I just felt ready today when the big deal that the world would agree could/should consume me came a calling. I am thankful right now. Thanks Monk for this post and hugs for everybody.

Jamie, I love this idea and spot.

I hate having to suffer, and yet I do it (aarrgh!), but even more, I hate suffering in silence. Like a child, I always want someone to know when I’m miserable.

“Special” Hugs to everyone here in this “special” place…

I think the photo alone is going to keep Dreamy out of this corner. Mr. T is huge!

Do you remember the Tracey Ullman song “They Don’t Know (about us)”
I think the words are perfect for one of “those” songs about J/HS
…where ever you go now, I want to be there too….

There should be a music library. A listening lounge.

I don’t know how to post an image of a whisper.

Haven’t been on here for a while but i Love this idea…a great reminder not to take things seriously – and it feels like i need all the reminders i can get recently ; ) LOL

I woke up this morning from a dream where I was playing the piano.
The teacher said I knew the music theory AND the aural skills
I had the pedagogy and performance aspects as well.

Then I thought this: the ego is like the relative minor – the HS is like the Major. I IV V. Suspension, resolution.
When I “mosey” off, I can be brought back with a modulation – sometimes augmented, sometimes diminished; always just right.

Also the ego might be like the secondary dominant. The “V of V”!! I sometimes don’t even know that I’ve modulated – it seems the same, perhaps different in a way!

Perhaps like a dream within a dream.

Similar landmarks, but with the overtones the Song of Prayer talks about.

But now came one aspect I never thought of – the V/vii secondary dominant of the relative minor.

A trick, a sleight of hand!

So I googled it. Up came this: Du Friedensfurst, Herr Jesu Christ by JS Bach BWV 116

Thou Prince of Peace, roughly translated.

Any thoughts, Bonnie?

Big Deal about these page numbers. Today was especially rough trying to stop on page 58, and I couldn’t. I had to go onto the end of the section on pg. 60. It doesn’t matter, but if i keep dwelling on it, it belongs in this Big Deal arena. I’ll be able to release it into the forgiven ethers before we are done.

There were many runs thru the workbook where i would be on the exact lesson that matched the Julian date. I had to be precise. I can’t count how many times I corrected someone as to what ‘today’s lesson’ was. Then I got Ken’s Journey thru the Workbook, and that cured that. With some of his commentary 22 pages on a lesson, I had to at last learn self kindness, and the reading became as I could do it. Took 18 months, and i finished just as Jamie suggested we read the text — perfect timing, of course.

Thank God you didn’t say read only this many pages and no more, the way Jesus said read only one lesson a day. Thank God you didn’t say read one page on the hour, each hour. Well, i think we would have got that joke.

This is kinda neat having comments on the lesson, grotto-girl talk out back, and a place for wacko confessions here.

Hugs around, katrina

Yes, Joe, there’s lots of love, understanding and acceptance circulating around here. Breeds like cats. We have a few of those, too.

I guess I must confess that this site is a “Really Big Deal” to me, like a gazillion on my Big-Deal-O-Meter. But Jesus-Of-The-Playground-Monitors told me that if I play nice with the other kids, and continue to feel loved, I can stay here and feel loved as long as I want.

You see, there are Big-Deals that lead away from God, and Big-Deals that lead towards God. A very wise old Monk told me that once, and I could not love him more…

Welcome to our hearts,
Debbi

Hmm… Is it just me, or is there a possible pattern emerging?

The Grotto is a little cave for the Sisters to chat in.
The *so-called* Big Deal is a place for the brothers! Mt T et all.

;p

Well, back to the infirmary…SOME body’s got to make the Laudanum!

LOL. Is that saying something about us brothers haha

What’s the big deal Dreamy?

Dreamy, that’s what my two cats said too. And they used every drop of guilt Mommy felt and got E X T R A super food for comfort.

Dreamy, you’ll go through this and then will be even more cuddly than you are now….which means you’ll get even more lovin’ from Dad, extra treats from all of us, and all kinds of fun stuff. Just don’t take any of it too seriously ;-)) We love you and please keep us posted as you recuperate!

Yes, Mr Monk. We love you . I don’t have the right words.

I live on a ranch here in Texas and my two sweet dogs have been missing since Saturday. A Cairn Terrier (Toto) and a Llasa Apso(Keke)
I just feel so sick about it. Rained like Texas rain too all weekend.
I want to blame AND feel guilty (I TOLD him to fill in that hole!)to(I should have filled in the hole.)
My ego is having his cake and eating it too.

“The secret to Salvation is but this. You are doing it to yourself.”

Running away, pouring down (Texas style even) rain, guilt and blame.
Sounds familiar.
How many times do I want to relive the separation and how many ways can I do it.

Debbie – you said just what I’ve been thinking…Ruth Ann….
Monk, I found the guilt –
I hid it in someone else. Just like the Course says we do, I did.
And the stupidity. I gave that to her, too. Every angry thing.
There’s no sense to it! Yet it lives – or seems to…
In fact, my Franken-Friend is a walking sh*t-storm of projection.

Now look – the villagers are gathering! *Uhhh* (zombie/monster sound)

Ruth-Anne: Today’s reading Chapter 8 is titled, The Journey Back. I pray Toto and Keke find there way back home real soon.

LOF and Hugs,
Annie

snzzz-who-is-franken..sssmmmoh

Try being a dang DALLAS COWBOYS fan.
LOL

Monk, they are the only team I have heard you even mention in passing. Once “blame it on the Dallas Cowboys” and I think you mentioned it today, again, in your class. Maybe not amnesia is already setting in……….

ANYWAY, just wanted to ask you if you are a fan because they are “God’s Team” or for some other reason maybe unbeknownst to me.

<<<<>>>>>

Just wanted to talk about my “big deal”. I have looked everywhere and called and and and and I still haven’t found my puppies. I am letting it go now. I feel a lot of pain in this but I am in His Hands, and I trust Him.
Thanks for your hugs and all. It helps.

Adding my {{hugs}}, Ruth-Anne. I hope your puppies can somehow still find their way home. Love, Jamie

right now it’s a big deal that i haven’t found anyone to work for me this Sunday as we prepare for a trip to the Foundation. i really hope it works out.

love,
nick

….and now it’s a big deal that I feel happy because someone agreed to cover my Sunday shift so I’m all clear for (gulp), three days of Ken and the gang!

Ruth-Anne- I am sorry about your dogs. As a parallel, a woman who works at the grocery store I am in nearly everyday (two growing boys and all) lost her dog two weeks ago, and is now pretty sure someone took her.

I’m not sure if it’s a consolation or not, but there is another person out there going through the exact same thing as you right now.

I’m sending you a big, big hug.

Love,
Lisa

I’m still in your life, Ruth-Anne… Love you lots, thinking about you tonight. Maybe the ‘Cowboy Fan’ in me inspired the use of your nickname, just for tonight.

Because you are SO Beloved.

I’m from Dallas, and I watch the Cowboys Basketball Team all.the.time.
Or was the Dallas Cowboy Hockey Team?
Sorry – no good with sports.
I thought “curling” was what they do with hair.

I used to think of giving little packages of fear or guilt to Jesus, to take and get rid of for me as part of my forgiving myself. Today I think that a more fitting metaphor would be a huge dump truck, backing up to the edge of light, byah, byah, byah, (you know how they beep when backing up). Jesus is gloved, waving the dump truck to where it needs to dump its load. What a picture that is, Jesus with construction gloves on.

So. I am making a huge deal of the horrendous amounts of guilt and fear I believe I have (they sure seem real to ME!) I don’t have an evaluation for this, it’s just what I’m doing (always a huge deal) today.

Big Deal.

Big deal woo happened just now: under Whispers in the cloisters I saw:acimmonk:the big deal pressure is so…” and i clicked on it as it isn’t there!!!! conspiracy!!!! somebody just snatched his whisper away, if that isn’t woo nothing iz. Oh MONK what happened to you? (raveling and luxuriating)

I’m still on the bus…about reading the text.
I just mumble the words to get through them – if that- and then say “There, I read it!”
Resistance? Denial? Projection?
I’M not in denial.
If anyone is in denial, YOU are in denial.
YOU are the one projecting, not me.
he he, lol and colon D!!

thank you ruth-anne! we are here and nick got all his shifts covered of course :) nice to be here…but very strange without you here jamie. we miss you. you are right where you need to be also :))))) nothing new here of course!

yeah!!! he’ll be so excited!! january?? that’s when we’re coming next i believe, who knows something may happen for next month though. met an “anonymous” monkette today and she is so awesome, a beautiful connection of course! she had the most wonderful things to say about you and how you’ve helped us all through your openness, honesty and love. we just dig how you keep it real!

Screaming in the Scream-A-Tor-ium – WAHOOO!!! THE TAXES ARE DONE!!! Time to party. Fingers, toes, everything all prune-ey from being in the G D pool for so long. Anybody know what to do about it (besides staying out of water for a while) – I dont really wanna look like this for Bonnie’s Birthday (a VERY big deal).

I do say, the idea of seeing ‘doing the taxes’ with Love instead of fear carried me through the whole thing nicely. I enjoyed the process and ‘Another Choice’ never left my side (does He ever?) In a word, Nope.

To reiterate, WAHOOO!!!

Nick, hummus is my favorite too – and falafel!mmm
*
What else? BIG DEAL happened today, and it became a big lesson:

I was going out when i saw a man rummaging about in my garden. He had a walker with him, with a bag on it – it was filled with my apples. Well . I asked him what he was doing on my property, and he said “YOUR property? well, i could not know that!” I sensed a big radiation of fear from him, and got sucked into it,starting to loose my words. He was telling me that he really could not know that my house had a property around it, his house hadn’t…at this point, something in me got that he was really frightened and ashamed at being caught stealing, and I said “it’s OK to take the ones on the ground.” I sensed how i fell into my old groove of making the threatening situation safe for the other part: -always the other part first. I registered all this, but was unable to change my behavior.
I left him, and on my way to the foodmarket I felt tremendous anger, grief, the whole chalabang – AND ego got me and told me that being a Course-student I could NOT feel what I was feeling.”Anger is never justified.”
I tried all kind of repressing these feelings, and was so upset that i did not remember any way at all to connect with Jesus.
Returned home, I went straight to my little blue Course-qoutes-notebook. (I write in it the quotes and sentences from you all that really help me, and number them. Whenever I need a clear answer from the right mind, and am to screwed up to think myself, I dowse(using a pendulum) for the right number of the quote. It never fails.)
Today I got this answer – and i think it is Jamie’s words, have forgotten from where:

” Re: waiting for the fear to abate: To the extent I am attracted to the ego, I must wait. Forgiveness is still and quietly does nothing, it merely looks and waits and judges not. I must be patient with myself. I still feel resistant, but now I am aware of the resistance – that’s the difference.SO that’s when we “judge not” I see I am too afraid, and i no longer justify my fears, anger and phobias. We sit in the theatre with Jesus watching, “The life and hard times of Nina.” Watch yourself do all your ego-stuff: being weak, vulnerable, sick,special, angry. You look at the person at the stage, and you don’t judge yourself, even though there is still a part of you who is still attracted to the character. You are gentle and kind to yourself for still being attracted to the ego. You are not yet to the point where you can say “All of this is an illusion” — you see it’s all an illusion but one I’, not ready to give up yet.And you are kind with yourself, and thus everyone, knowing everyone is in the same boat.”

So I sat in the theatre with Jesus and laughed at I was watching “The life and hard times of Nina” – and at the same time, this other part was raging and blaming like crazy. I started to see that that part is really attracted to ego and having its anger and being RIGHT – and the audience/me was finding it amusing but not worthy of judgment at all. I saw my/its investment in my defence, and saw, in release, that I just have to wait until it is ready.
It was the first time, i think, that I realised deeply that my ego could do NOTHING for me to be ready – that readyness would come from another part of me.

nick-I’m snackin’ on some Garden-of-Eatin’ mini yellow rounds at this very moment. It’s a big deal how I can eat half a bag real quick!

nina-’I realised deeply that my ego could do NOTHING for me to be ready – that readyness would come from another part of me.’ -Amen, sister!

OK, so I’ve been stressing about something all week! My husband and I have to go to a fancy cocktail party tomorrow night. Only there’s a catch. The hostess is requesting that you wear polka dots or pinstripes. Neither my husband nor I own either! And it’s not like any old thing will do. Did I mention this is a FANCY cocktail party? With fancy people wearing fancy (read: expensive) clothing?

No matter what, I can’t win. It’s a big deal!!!!

Hmmmm. Reminds me of another problem the ego has cooked up for me- the separation problem! According to the ego, I can’t win. And it’s a big deal!

Hmmmm. Possible forgiveness lesson??? OK fine, I’ll ask Jesus for help. Maybe. Right after I finish wallowing in my big deal.

I’m going to the kitchen to finish the rest of the bag of yellow rounds.

Pomegranate liquer? Polka dots? Pin stripes?
I think we have a theme going here.

Thank you for making me laugh, ladies!!!! I’ll take some dip, got any ice cream?

Perhaps polishing off lots of pomegranate liquer will push my perception to perceive polka dots and pinstripes perfectly! Possibly.

Lisa, I think you’ve got it! It’s entirely possible that pinstripes and polka-dots are playing havoc with your personal preference for Peace!!

OK Bernard, let’s make a deal to go to our parties and see how much of the time we can spend at the party with Jesus. And how much time we crash and burn in the ego’s fires. We’ll be the observers. Wanna try it? I’ll think of you (and Jesus) with every chip I eat.

But it will probably be my luck that this party is so fancy that there won’t be any chips. sigh.

Lisa: forheavenssakegirl, polkadots? eeassyy.I am certain your hosts have not told you where you shall wear you polkadots or stripes, so: Just buy a red filtpen and dot away on any white garment you have. Or in your face maybe?
You might also just dot your BH (brassiere?) and tell the host that your dots are private. If she is grumpy, you might let her peep and see just ONE dot.
Or a hairband with polkadots. Or paint polkadots on whatever skin sticking out of the dress. very original. (Says the old costumedesigner and sighs in remembrance of those gloorious days.)

Annie, wonderful idea – polkadot on the third eye. i wonder if that would mess up the whole hindu tradition – please raport back tomorrow what kind of dreams you had.
(And no drink necessary of course, she says dutifully) (Is that a word?)

Bernard, how did yours go?

Mine went well!! Jean-Marc and his wife were like little lambs – such a surprise! I was even warned before the party by my wife’s mother that there might be ‘tensions’. Tensions, schmensions, it was fine. The drinking and carousing (guys dressed up in cow outfits doing strange things to eachother, karaoke drinking songs at 3am etc), none of it bothered me. It was fun, in its own way. And I thought of you, Lisa, and was smiling. Funny, it was Pat, my wife, who was really feeling out of it, and I leaned over and gently told her it was all really okay, our Big Buddy was there looking on with a Bud in his hand, and smiling…

Weird – the first message got zapped into no-man’s land, it didn’t appear as awaiting moderation or nothin. So I try to re-write it from memory and re-send it and, voilà, the message is there – twice. Sorry!!

Bernard, I think your first message was missing its email address to put your avatar up… so the Internet Monster threw it into Invisible Moderation… happens to us a lot when we change how we post. It just didn’t recognize you. The Friar or Nuns behind the scenes had to manually throw it back in here… Yeah, that’s what they do for a living, awesome, isn’t it?

So delightful, Nina… now I have this picture of Jamie, Emmy and Jane standing there working out on invisible posts – heavy as can be… like you say, ‘just waiting for us to screw up’… Mighty lots of love there, I’m thinkin… always looking out for us, always making sure our posts come through. Protecting us from predators… Ahhh.. yeah, the muscles… d r e a m y…

No worries, Bernard… they post job openings on the main page when they’re available… I’m sure you’d be in for consideration, being practically perfect in every way, and all… Just to make sure, maybe you oughtta post of a picture of your biceps. For consideration only, of course.

Girls are welcome too, if Pat is interested… I understand Emmy and Jane have the biceps of Demi Moore in ‘Ghost’, and that’s not saying a small thing… Hers are as well-developed as Patrick Swayze’s…

Love to you and Pat,
Deb

Wonderful, Nina. That perception IS true help.

(And if this realization isn’t yet “for good”, then you are still not a victim.) ;)

Wow Nina – that’s very insightful!
Profound, even.
I am not a victim of the world I see…

Nina – I think so too, Very big for you… Isn’t that what we’re all trying to learn and remember? We’re not a victim? We’ve chosen every single minute of suffering and pain we experience? Yes, yes, keep us posted! We will learn from it! Promise!

You’re probably sleeping right now, but when you wake up it’s gunna be your HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!! I’ll sing you your song on your Abbey page…

Love,
D♡G

Yes, Lisa, Oct 22nd is Nina’s… it’s the middle of the night for her right now (4:20 a.m.) but it’s already Oct 22nd in Norway… I wrote down all the Birthdays from your ‘book fun’ and got:

Jamie Aug 11th
Nina Oct 22nd
Pam Feb 19th
Laura T. Student May 22nd
Sister Ann Oct 16th.

Thank you SO much for posting for us out of your Birthday book. It is really fun and I loved getting it on my Birthday, too.

Love to you, and thanks for all you do here,
D♡G

You’re welcome, Lisa, and I’m not makin any promises about anything being together. Some of us were granted lots of wisdom, some lots of time. I have an enormous amount of time (in which to look these things up). In fact, I have this small recollection of someone else mentioning their birthday… I’m going to go back through all the posts and see if I can find it.

Hopefully everyone else will declare themselves so we can celebrate their birthdays as well. A perfect thing to make a big deal out of, right?

Love,
D♡G

NINA NINA NINA
Happy Birthday!!
May this be the Happiest Birthday Evah for you!

I couldn’t sleep; this time I am blaming Brussels Sprouts.
Have you ever seen them right off the the vine?
This actual un-retouched photograph tells the whole story.
Now I KNOW I am dreaming.
(Nothing unreal exists…)

Here’s a visual or was it something like this?

Hey Anne in TX: Imageshack will give you the URL you need.

To add a photo from your computer: Upload it to Imageshack and then use the URL they provide. The whole process takes about a minute and the directions are in the FAQ (Frequently Asked Questions) which can be accessed by clicking the question mark icon in the acimmonk sidebar box.

Thanks, Texas… did the Control-F thing on ALL the posts… don’t know how many they are… probly wouldn’t have done it if I didn’t know C-f thingy… I found the reference to BDay – It was Jimacim, Feb 11th. Put it on my calendar. Thank you. (That’s how I found the post “Wapnick vs. Renard” or whatever… was with that self-same Control-F-ing. Never saw the pic before, it caught my eye.)

Broccoli gotcha? LA Annie is right, isn’t she? Everything’s bigger in TX – including broccoli-heartburn… Got Tums and a stiff drink in the Grotto if’n ya want.

Speakin of my Mac… (how did you know? My mention of Safari?) – I’m gettin a new one today 27 inch iMac… One of the computers in my office (17″) went T.U. right after I finished doing the Taxes on it; so I’m givin this one (20″) to them and getting a new one for myself.

Actually I stole theirs and now I have to give it back cause the old one I traded them puked. Bad logic board. It’s five years old, so that’s okay. But it is a Very Big Deal to get a new iMac. Have been wanting one for a year! I have been using iMacs since they first came out and this is the first one that puked. I upgraded all the other ones ’cause I could’… Hopefully I won’t be ‘offline’ too long today while I’m settin the new one up. Not being able to check in here is also a Very Big Deal. Sheesh, but I bet you knew that, huh.

Love
D♡G

DonnaD- I’ll post your birthday info later today when I have more time!

Bernard, I’ve got you down for Monday! (Music preferences?)

OK Debbi, fine. I didn’t actually say when my birthday is, but since the peer pressure is so crushing, it’s Nov 2.

And TX-Annie-bananie, I’ve got you down for Nov 12.

Any one else willing to bow to the peer pressure? : )

Bernard, you poor Dear… You are asking as if you are not Part Of The Grotto!!! Hello!?! Of course you can have a Birthday party there. We would love it! And you needn’t bother to get my permission… I’m not now, never was, and never will be in charge of said Grotto. It is for everyone. I am a server there, that’s all (that’s why the pool-boy and me have so much in common.) Well, I’m kinda the resident hostess of the pool, but that’s just ’cause I’m always in it.

I am sure the minute your ‘coming out’ hits the airwaves, various nuns and monks will be all over the idea with decorations, food, drink (all your favorites) with a fury no man can put asunder.. We have some VERY good cooks over there. Not to mention great booze. Bet Nick will even play his drums for the occasion!

Happy Birthday in a few days. I’m proud of you for admitting to an upcoming Birthday… It can be daunting to face a Grotto Birthday Party… Don’t worry, we’ll go easy on ya.

All My Love,
D♡G

Wow! Looks like a lot of our parents didn’t have alot to do in various January and February’s, huh. Lots of Oct-Nov Birthdays… but I digress…

D♡G

Bernard….the weather should be perfect Monday all over the world but especially and for ever in the grotto:) Should we all dress in polka dots or pinstripes? I know Lisa has her outfit ready.

Thanks for coming out of the closet

LA Annie: Thanks for the words… actually I am addicted to reading my posts too! Egor. Thankfully I am also addicted to everyone else’s too, not like anyone could tell, or anything. Sometimes I think the best thing would be to just shut the F up.. then someone says something to me and I cannot NOT respond… and I’m having too much fun.

Lisa: I betcha feel better now.. the ‘Birthday Book Girl’ keeping her birthday a secret was eventually gunna drive you mad and wear you down… glad you confessed. I feel better too.

Texas: Yep. Knew it. You had me at ‘Safari’… S’far-as-I knew.. (I’m no good at being you. Please laugh anyway.)

Love to all,
D♡G

It’s never too early to begin Birthday Party preparations… Being drunk for the next four days would be a good start, Bernard. You can practice in the Grotto. Stay away from the pool. I don’t know CPR. Should be a pro by Monday.

D♡G

I can sing. I am a bass, a shamanic bass, as my professor named it. Very weird noises from deep deep somewhere. People dance to them (noises), I’ve seen it. Can’t wait for Monday.
I ‘ll come dressed as a trickster.(You may not recognize me.)

Songs, we have to sing together. ‘Yellow Submarine’, that’ll go down well in the pool. What do Mounties sing? We’ll have to do some harmonic humming. That’ll be fun after a few glasses of Pomegranate Powerjuice. Ruth-Anne’ll have to begin destillin’ right away. I told Pat I’m going to have my party in the Grotto instead of at home. Like she knew what I was talking about. Know she knows.

Excellent Debbi going to make a fresh pot of Starbucks.

Dude, where’s my face?

Sure. Blame everything on ME.

D♡G

DonnaD- September 20, The Day of the Managers

Those born on Sept 20 are convinced of their ability to manage almost any situation. They are greatly concerned with the interests of their group, and will go to any degree possible to insure the harmonious running of the projects in which they are involved. Both men and women born on this day know that running a tight ship financially can guarantee many benefits, and consequently they tend to be adept not only at earning money but at making good buys and shrewd investments.

When things go wrong, Sept 20 people have great faith in their capacity to repair or heal. Healing for them may mean anything from patching up quarrels to actually helping a loved one get well using means ranging from prayer to traditional arts and massage.

Spt 20 people usually display sound judgment but must also avoid being over confident or blind concerning their ability to recognize the truth of any given situation.

Meditaton- ‘Observe yourself living.’

Strengths- organized, shrewd, observant. Weaknesses- overconfident, overemotional, inflated.

You share a birthday with Sophia Loren (actress), Upton Sinclair (novelist), Guy Lafleur (some hockey dude).

What do you think, you?

WOW AnneTX!! percussion! I have two great Djembes here, and all kind of klang-instruments. I am a crazy about rhythms, use it alot in therapy – tell the clients to start to drum their feelings, speaking out words that come, and voila, a great poem with great rhythm is born. I even have used rhythm at night when the tensions are too much – staring to tap the rhytms of the tensions, something takes over, the tensions melt.Fun and effective ( ef.not always.) I even made my own didgeridoo and learned to make the sound, but I can’t fix the circle-breathing.
Wonder if you can use your percussionabilities with patients at the Hospice.

Lisa, wow, that is quite the book you have there. I would say it pretty much is right on the money. I have always been good at “managing” (maybe that is an eye opener in itself, right? Because now I am allowing myself not to manage and it has been a roller coaster ride. Very scary.) Thank you for looking this up for me. Love to you, DonnaD.

Heads up!! Big scream about to happen. AAAAARRRRRHHHHHGGGGGG!!!!!!!! What is it with the stuipid U.S.of A. and having decent medical coverage for everyone!!! I’m on medicaid and it so totally SUCKS!! I’ve been doing my best to forgive the “system” but my `best’ so far isn’t very good ’cause this is eating my lunch big time. I’m heading to the snuggery to watch Amma again and from there over to the Infirmary. Hopefully I can pull out of this funk and be in a b-day party mood later.

Nina Thank you so much for post 103 I think I am having a wonderful shift in me from reading it. I too get gooey thats what I call it when feelings migrate to me and I feel it like in that movie were the monsters would SLIME you. Like we are taught we have to help But since there are no victims? There’s nothing to help thats why helping doesn’t help AAAHHHH! I don’t have to help any victims because there are no victims. I get it, I get it, I get thats why helping victims only expands the illusion of victims What we pay attention to only gets ahhh to be a “big deal” . And VICTIMIZATION IS A BIG DEAL!!! or should I say a real BIG illusion.

Anne – just a thought: helping from the right mind would be wonderful – and it would NOT see the “helpee” as a victim.
helping from the wrong mind has SO many strings attached, and carries so many ugly hints about the position of both parts.

Anne/Texas: Now why didn’t I see that? Well done. I take things so literally most of the time that I miss the playfulness of it all. I agree with Nina—you are a master.

No, really, I am just an amateur…but thanks for your kind words.
:(

Pumpkins,
Ruth-Anne told me it was OK to post her e-mail to me. So here goes:

Oh sweet Nina. Thanks for the healing thoughts. I received them with an open heart.
I won’t have my computer back for another day or two. I have missed my monastery family a LOT. My phone isn’t powerful enough to do more than e-mail or text. I can’t even get in to the Snuggery. Lol
After months of being sick I was diagnosed with mercury poisoning from amalgem fillings in my teeth. I thought I was losing my mind. It collects in brain tissue and joint tissue
I had oral surgery to have them removed. The dentist and his assistant both wore completely enclosed oxygen masks.
A BIG DEAL. Lol
I thought about talking to you about this. You seem to be a healer even juSt with your thoughtfulness and kindness.
I am doing chelation therapy every four weeks and taking about 30 natural supplements a day to build my immune-thyroid-and adrenal system back up.
Nina, I must have got very afraid of Love because I feel more like a body than I have in a very long while.
And that’s ok. I believe this is what I have so the kind thing for myself is to treat it. Right?
Tell Bernard a belated Happy Birthday. I will bake him something scrumptious. I hope no one was injured too badly running up and down the hallways. I hope Debbi has kept the copper machine (and herself) well lubricated. I will be back in time to pick the last of the pumpkins, rake leaves and put up some winter preserves.
Love you my Friend
Ruth-Anne

Oh My God! I just had the most intense experiance. I’m in the house alone(cory at g-ma’s) and I start crying for no apparent reason no thoughts to attach to the pain. I ask for J’s help and I just let the feelings happen and give it to J saying “You know how to heal this I don’t”. This lasts for about a minute and is over. about 5 minutes later again no paticular thoughts and tears well up in my eyes then the thought I will not resist and I bust out laughing. I laughed for almost 10 minutes. the tears are streaming down my face and I am laughing so hard I can’t breath. No idea what is so funny. Laughing so hard my sides start to hurt. It backs off a bit so I can catch my breath and comes on even stronger than before still mind is blank. Then backs off for another breath and comes on even stronger yet. I have to get up from the table and go to the sink because I’m laughing so hard I almost choke and then I throwup and that sends me into even more extreme laughter. Somewhere between choking and throwing up I managed to mentally ask “explain” and the ‘words’ floated through my mind “This is the laughter that you never expressed because the world said it wasn’t appropriate to do so. You are releasing it now instead of keeping it all bottled up and hidden.

Thank you J I feel so much better now.:)

Pam, this is so healing to me to read!
I just was believing in the stupid angry voices telling me that i could NOT express what was going on inside,( in “My Brother’s reactions”) and only now you gave me another perception than the not-allowed!!!!-one – : it is just stuff coming out, never expressed, before bottled up and hidden. Thank you for telling me exactly what I needed: now judgment’s old angry voice died away. I simply could not hear it myself before I saw your story. Thank you!

Great stuff, Pam. Thanks. Let it roll! And Nina, please, please don’t feel there is anything you can’t express here. This IS the place to do it. We know Who you really are. And any comments here should not be interpreted as taking away permission to have any experiences that come up for you. All is truly welcome. Hugs

And thanks to all of you. I believe that the more each of us shares the more courage we each can gain in letting go and making the shift to Holy Spirit’s way.

Screamatorium, here i come.
I feel like the greatest failure and self-crucifier there is, and I am tired of that, and i hate my decisionmaker for making me suffer and i hate myself for not understanding what I need to understand, and i hate God for not helping me out of it, and I hate myself for not being able to look at what I need to look at, as ken says.And i do not know what that is.
I have dealt with this for 65 years, and worked with it consciously for about 40 – I have had sessions with Monk – it does not change, at least as I can se it. I know that I am doing this to myself, that does it even more horrible. What I do is seemingly having an open invitation to people violating my space. That goes from early childhood to now – typical example: I am doing a method of communication with some people called focusing. The space we share in must be safe – there are structures for how we make sure that is so. In several of our sessions lately my companion violently disregards the space and rules. When I point it out, they thank me – and nedxt time they do the same. it feels like being ripped apart, when you are at the most open,loving and trusting.”Oops – so sorry..”. and my rage is that I choose this, I choose that I am violated, that sacred space is violated, and all my prayers for help, and all my dealings with this for 40 years has not changed it and I am so angrrrry and I am watching all of this, as I have been watching it for aeons, and it is still there, and I have found the forgiveness-part for the invaders and rapists and violators so many times – it all dissolves in bliss – and then it repeats itself again with renewed power as soon as I lower my gard and trust that it is healed – as it is telling me you moron, stop trusting, you are just doing it W R O N G .
I dont know what I am supposed to look at, as there possibly could not be possible to look more than I do. So that’s wrong too.
So I am giving myself the repeated lesson thatI can not trust Love and forgiveness, violation has more power. Iknow that this is not true – I have experienced the tremendous freedom of forgiving it and myself again and again and again – and still it repeats itself and i hate it that it stays. I hate that I am experiencing that surrender is not the way – yes, that is the worst pain of all – all the times I know I have surrendered this, felt the peace, and then someone new violates the sacred space.
Again, for the thousandth time, I ask to see this differently, to see it with love. I expect it to be shown to me, and I expect me to be happy – and then i expect the whole Shxt to repeat itself aagain and I cannot taker it any more and i tell it to Jesus and here we go again.

Nina,
I could have written your whisper if your words had been about disease instead of violation of space so I understand the anger and fear. All I know is I must have already had the anger, fear and guilt, or believed in them before the disease or violation. The situation actually allows those tremendous feelings to arise in order for me to give them over or forgive. Without the disease I would not have known the depths of my belief in my unworthiness, and there in lies my opportunity even though it still feels like hell. And I can be angry and fearful and very very sad and somehow still know that I am linked to J/God. And then I accept myself a little bit more with whatever I feel knowing this abstract Love/Goodness can not judge, that would be me.

And I offer a poem I wrote sometime ago.

I am vulnerable to the good.
There is no right defense against
Kindness, truth, or beauty.
Each unmasks the wet, just
Below the peeling back where
A torrent aches to flow.

As the Course says, paraphrased………I can weep but for my innocence.

With all my love, njn

Nina, I can only add to Ninjanun’s words that I too could have written your whisper… just my agony description would be changed to ‘weakness and the inability to breathe’… Sometimes I forget that I am not ‘choosing’ sickness on this level, but on the level of the mind. (All pain is some sort of sickness of the mind.) At this level, the only option I have is to whisper “I could see peace instead of this”.. and hold on for dear life to the Hand I imagine is there to grab.

Yes, I too hate Him for not changing things magically to make it ‘all better’… but then Ninjanun’s insight into where this pain leads us does not need further elaboration, she said it beautifully. “Without the disease I would not have known the depths of my belief in my unworthiness…” (THANK YOU Ninjanun.. and such a beautiful poem, too.)

Nina, I too will hold on to your hand for as long as you want.. IF you want… or I will stay one-centimeter away if that is more comfortable for you. Whatever you need.. since I am also the Son of God along with you, we can ask for the Gentleness to see this differently, together.

Love,
D♡G

I have tears in my eyes my sweet Nina. You have voiced ALL of our fears and doubts and the pain so eloquently. This is not an easy path. It just is not…
I just got home from casinoland USA. You think YOU’RE crazy. Sometimes I just look at all I made and I cannot believe the ingenuity and the intracacy that my ego has and where it will take me. But Jesus is telling me today that I am not wholly insane. My ego is rebelling too. I think “a little” insanity is like “a little” preganant you know? lol I think we are all a little dizzy from these last few readings. They have been kinda brutal, haven’t they.
You ARE loved beyond belief, here there and everywhere. You ARE safe and protected in the Arms of God. And the arms of the monastery. I am so grateful you share with us here and feel that safety. Cuz we all love you here Nina.
I hope I can help to ease your pain a little. That was my intent. And I wanted to hug you. Consider yourself hugged.
I’m so sorry for the violations of trust. It’s just the worst.

Come on over to the grotto when you get up or if you are still up. I have some BEAUTIFUL fresh pomagranates all sliced up. You know you can’t eat pomagranates with a straight face. They are so bountiful this year. Wonder what I’ll do with the rest of them. Hhhhmmm….ANYHOO ….I have some big walnuts fresh cracked that are so sweet oh my gosh they are good. I can make you a soothing tea or brandy or juice or whatever you want
Or you can sit and draw by the trees and I won’t say anything at all.
Love you my friend.
Oh hey Winnie. You are just the sweetest. I will keep the teddy you gave me for forever. Good job tending the fire and Debbi and me, the smoring monkling episode of the grotto.
Love you all.

hi nina-

I feel your pain. I’ll sit with you a while, if you’d like. I have the same pain, the same pain. And I’ve been feeling it a lot lately too. I think Ruth-Anne is right, the reading lately has been brutal. It brings up a lot of stuff. Here’s a hug if you’d like, or it can be saved for a later time. : )

{{{nina}}}

winnie, ninjanun, Jessica, Debbi, Ruth-Anne, DonnaD- your kindness to all is palpable. What a comfort. Thank you.

Nina, just holding your hand, sweet one. Breath calmly, it’s all okay.

dear friends and monklings, thanks for pomegranates and LOVE and kind words and hands and hugs and one centimeter distance. I see the violation and insanity/terror-theme as a memory of my believing in the TMI -. I have forgiven it countless times – felt the enormous peace – and the pain is about not knowing why the pattern still repeat. When I have looked at this with Jesus, there is no doubt that it is an illusion, that I am innocent and loved – and I see clearly that the “attackers” are crazy with pain, it is easy to forgive them for what they never did – the crazy pain is about that the pattern still go on, making it seem like darkness IS stronger than Love. I cannot find any other explanation, and it is one that I cannot live with.
Thank you again. Just being heard and not judged is ahhh.

Dear Nina,thank you for you whisper ! There was something very healing in there for me that I can’t explain ! Love and Hugs to everybody!

beloved pumpkins,
hugs and handholdings gratefully received – and Hedda, if you find out what was healing within my whipser, please share. THAT would teach’im LOL ( ‘im meaning ego, who does not exist.)
So tell me, you who have thoughts about this: when Jesus tells us to choose again, and then we will be happy, AND I do that and don’t feel any difference whatsoever – what don’t I get?

Nina, you gave a voice to what we all are feeling at times. Your whisper helped remind me that form is not content. Form is NEVER what it appears to be. The form of things does not tell the Truth. To the world, Jesus was tortured and sacrificed -though he experienced peace and the Truth of “nothing is happening here”. We are all already healed and home though we experience form that tries to tell us otherwise.

I was having an episode two weeks ago like the one you wrote about above in #172 (why does this keeping f***ing happening? I have already done my f***ing forgiveness stuff) and I heard a voice that said, “Should healing be repeated?”. That seemed like a logical question to ask. Then I remembered that there was a chapter in the manual with that title and I read it. It was a brilliant answer to my constant ego nagging that I could not even practice my spirituality “right”. To quote a small section, “One of the most difficult temptations to recognize is that to doubt a healing because of the appearance of continuing symptoms is a mistake in the form of lack of trust. As such it is an attack….The real basis for doubt about the outcome of any problem that has been given to God’s Teacher for resolution is always self-doubt. And that necessarily implies that trust has been placed in an illusory self, for only such a self can be doubted.”

When I say, I am not doing it right (healing, forgiving, being peaceful) I am still implying that I am in charge of these things when the fact is I am not.

Ken says it beautiful when he says that we have even found a way to feel victimized by Jesus and the Course (Duality as Metaphor CD). Our ego uses our spirituality to keep us here in the dream by tormenting us with guilt over it and we are therefore a victim of our practice because we are never enough.

And, so, I smile and laugh at my ego’s little musical theatre story line and continue to sing and dance with Jesus.

Love and peace, Jess

Nina, I think you are so cute when you ask what was so healing in your whisper? Don’t you see? These posts expose ALL of our ego chatter. It has brought up all of our patterns. We can look at your post so clearly know you are innocence and love and only then does the possibility open that, “hey, maybe when I am feeling this way, I am also innocence and love.” And then we feel it within ourselves, for ourselves. We heal each other by seeing that the ego is so clearly lying to you and if it is lying to you, it must be lying to me…Yahoo, freedom!
So, thank you for sharing and always being so open. It is a blessing to all of us.
<3 Jess

Jess, your quote was immensly helpful. It is now in my little notebook. And THANK YOU for helping me see what was healing in the whisper: awesome. I think it is really starting to sink in.
And {{{Deb…mmmmmm}}} I love your love for Jamie and how you talk your walk :-)

Nina, Thank you for your openness and trusting that you are safe here to say what you need to say. What you said and the ensuing comments were exactly what I was needing also. Blessings to all. :)(: [mirror image reflecting back to me what I need to see]

Hey Al, yes it was me, great to see you in your robes! free pink champagne to all new monklings in the Grotto after vesper. Debbi will sing her welcome-hymnm, and Winne will dance – and of course our magnificent chef d’extraordinaire / VERY special/ Ruth-Anne will serve her welcome dish for you. Be prepared for the effect.
So welcome!

{puts on pixie shoes with the curly toes and the little bell on the tip}

Jessica: Thank you very much for your whisper No. 190. Your reminder about form and content was really precious for me in this moment. I was having some trouble with this in some very difficult situations, but “form is NEVER what appears to be. The form of things does not tell the Truth.” returned me to sanity, at least for the moment. Love, Lisi

Hiya, Al -
I had to look up “Aotearoa!”

I am dancing with Winnie for the welcome party. Glad you are with us Al. Hugs, Kendall

LOL AL!! yu are not as angelic as you think! I am so glad to hear it! if you were, there were nothing to give to the H.S. and you wouldn’t hang out here with us :-)
And maybe it even helped, you know – may be the headmaster was seething within and you picked up his shxt ( oh americans, WHY is it prohibited to write that word with an i instead of an x? now everybody will read it with that taboo inserted and it will be even MORE negative than before.)
So maybe it was only your false angel-identity who fell off – and that these !!!-words were exactly what were needed.

You’re right Nina – it was my ego dressed up as angel that took the fall. And it is just so easy being gentle with the shut ( you can shxt with a Kiwi accent too funny DoG!)with you guys. Thanks for the laughs and lightness.

(Blubbering and snotting everywhere and talking to S/self) I was soooo happy to find this site … people here seem soo loving and kind to each other but no one wants to plaaaay with me! I made this REALLy COOL comment about any one here could be Jesus in a previous life time … which is mind blowingly true if I’ve understood the metaphysics right … and no one said anything. Waaahhhh. And here I was thinking FINALLY AT LAST a place where I can JOIN IN and get the jokes and be ONE with everyone – instead of being Deaf and missing out all the time … self indulgent sniffle … ahhh shut … big heavy woeful sigh … OK lets apply the Course. I’m never upset for the reasons I think … uh huh – I made this all up in a dream so I needn’t face my guilt and fear of separating from God. Thý’re not there and I’m not here … and I could see peace instead of this AND I WANT TO. Mmmmm better … feeling less sniffly. Very small voice … can anyone help me with this?

Sings (very badly and off key but every one forgives her coz she’s Deaf and they’re on Course): You are my icepack, my only ice pack, you make me haaapppy, when ego striiiikes.
Yes of course Jesus was in his enlightened life time as jesus … but time is an illusion, and holographic not linear as we like to think and at all happened at once to ONE MIND so one of us REALLy could be Jesus in a “previous” life time. And from there it’s no actually we all ARE … get it?

Al – I hear ya about feeling a little ignored.
Just yesterday, on my birthday, I put a Voodoo Hex on someone. (the good kind, of course)
I wanted someone to call me.
A *special* someone.
Instead, I got like 4 blocked numbers and 2 hang-ups!
Clearly, the universe failed to respond to my sincere (possibly misguided) attempt to help it help me.

I love the Hologram idea – In a dream we could “be” anyone, complete with our own past history, etc.

I dream of Dreamy with the light gray hair!
♫♬♩♪♫

You could put up a pic and have a gallery, O Al from Aotearoa!
That would rock!

But you are right: see this – do that. Isn’t that an NLP thingy?
Feel sad – forgive.
Feel happy – forgive.

Life is but a dream…..

Nina. I would have been pissed, angry, mad, wanted to kick their teeth in, those dirty rotten skungs!
Then I would forgive that I am pissed, angry, mad and want to kick the teeth in on those dirty rotten skungs.

I bring to Jesus what I AM
Not what I think I SHOULD be.
He’s the One that gives me the new way of seeing.

D♡G

DEBBI THANKS! exactly! HE gives me the seeing THANK YOU for that reminder!!!

I got up from the bed to post this. What a wonderful experience! Deb, I presented my feelings to H.S, and saw this endless series of betrayals. Asked Him for help to see with Love. He said that I did this (wanted people to betray me) BECAUSE I could not stand the guilt and agony of believing that I had betrayed God, and was abandoned from the Garden of Eden for ever. I said, I KNOW I haven’t betrayed God! and instantly knew – i HAVE to believe that thought deeply unconsciously, since i constantly project the betrayers to be others than me – I simply saw that I would have no reason to project these betrayals if i did NOT see myself as a guilty betrayer.
Now it felt like I was sunk down on the bottom of the ocean, and deep grief welled up. It felt like Heaven to just BE with that grief with Love. I “saw” this Methusalem-figure, too old for words.For the first time met with compassion – and the most delicious about it, the “I” who was with it, knew that it was not serious, there was no identification with the suffering Methusalem – but tremendous Love.
And the most wonderful part of this process was to be willing to allow – to allow – th H.S. to do the healing of all this. I don’t need to know when or how.
Now I’ll go back to bed.
Happy. Peaceful.
deep love to all

Oh, Nina – that is so fabulous. Such healing. What a path we are on… It truly does make our unconscious conscious to us, to give to HS for healing. Lots and lots of joy as I read your middle of the night post.. Sleep peacefully, luv. {{Hugs}}

Love to you,
D♡G

Al: I am trying to learn to treat myself with Gentleness (via Monk) and that would include NOT being with people that I have forgiven (or not) but that I know see me as the ‘blamed one’ and recipient of their ego tanties… and if I do that to people I expect they will avoid me, also. I see you love Gary’s books… me too.

{Hugs},
D♡G

Good morning Nina. The interesting thing to notice is that if you have a betrayed-perception (i.e. a betrayal-wish), you don’t even need the world to play along.

That is, no one actually needs to betray you for you to see and experience betrayal. The interpretation has already been decided upon beforehand.

This makes what others actually do, or why they do it, irrelevant because the content of your wish will see (interpret) in form exactly what it wants. The only “why” (purpose) you need notice, is that which is present in your own thoughts. Awareness of this content makes form — or questioning form — meaningless, because you forgive the content of your mind, not the actions of others.

So once you know the content of your mind, you don’t need any more information.

Hope that helps. Three bears to you.

If the betrayal continues it doesn’t mean anything. If you haven’t truly forgiven the content your perception of betrayal will continue. That’s all you need to know.

There will always be betrayal in form. That’s why we made the world and bodies. Our body betrays us, people betray us, “God” betrays us. But the us they are betraying is a lie. We are not a body. The perception we are a body can only come from self-betrayal, which is the only betrayal, and this only occurs in the mind when we choose to forget who we are.

If you have forgiven the idea of betrayal, someone can betray your body, but you won’t experience it as betrayal because you aren’t identified with your body because you haven’t betrayed yourself by leaving the right mind. And since the betrayal idea does not exist in the right mind, it can’t be projected or extended. Identified with the love in your right mind mind you are literally incapable of perceiving betrayal, only love or a call for love.

I found your questions, Nina, and your explanation, Jamie, so helpful. Thank you.

Nina: Since many visitors don’t read the whispers, or all of them, I’ll make our little betrayal conversation into a post.

Hi Al and welcome to the monastery. Yes and yes.

Yes, you can come from the right mind and it may look from others’ perception as unloving. Example: Jesus.

Yes, if you are in your right mind you wouldn’t have the question. However, that doesn’t mean that just because you feel conflicted that a decision in form didn’t come from the right mind. You might have hopped into the right mind, translated the experience into an action in form, but then gotten scared of the right mind, and hopped to the wrong mind, and translated that experience into feeling conflicted about your initial decision. :)

Giggling – oh bloody hell – ego’s loving this – “see ya can’t even tell which mind you’re in nyah nyah na nyah nyah!” Actually, I can … am I peaceful?(right mind) or conflicted?(wrong mind). THANK YOU! That really helped.

Welcome, Michelle. It is a pleasure to hear from you. And as an “oddball”, well, you’ll fit right in quite nicely. I look forward to your gallery and your postings. Hugs, DonnaD.

Welcome Michele !… i am just giving you a great biggly huggly-pie snuggle with lots and lots of love on top !xoxoxooxoxoxoxo winnie

Happy Birthday a Month Late Michele!! So glad you have joined us.. loved your whisper!

Hugs,
D♡G

Dear Michele, what a spirit – visiting all the rooms, reading all of the big deal Room ( and maybe all of the grotto, too – phew!) WOW – THAT is a big deal for me. I felt shivers down my back reading this – that you really took the time, and wanted to do it, and wrote notes – I see how easily the grubby destructor inside me would pooh pooh all here – thank you for helping me finding him AGAINNN, and i can have peace instead of him thank you
So very very welcome
big hug from Norway
Nina

Smiling with delight from ear to ear am I with all your posts to me and the new discoveries they’ve brought.
Nina…I didn’t know you live in Norway and now think Norway is part of one of my relative’s neighborhood. Actually my first thought was…interesting I know so little, nothing really about Norway except it has fjords. Now i’ve learned there are advanced folks there offering and taking advantage of the kinds of healing modalities you’re involved with. I’m going to have fun googling about Norway knowing you live there…which part?
Donna…Oddballs are Us could be a great name for a store me thinks. Thanks for my oddball inclusive welcome.
Lisa…I would have happily lent it…and you got an even better deal with the best huge menu of suggestions with the hostess herself wearing one of them.
Winnie…my cat did the best job expressing my delight in your huggly pie snuggle welcome.
Debbie…you were my very first warm welcoming friend here when you commented back to me in one of Monk’s whisper sections recently. You are the Southern female Robin Williams of the Grotto. Have you ever considered standup? I think you said in one of your post that you’re shy so maybe not standup but we all sure get to enjoy your gift.
Al…what a superb and fun limerick you made up right on the imprompto spot I’ll bet.
Pam…wow!I’m blown away learning you can share posts with your son and would love to learn more about your process of including him in your ACIM realm.

My big deal o meter for the day…really more of a confession to y’all is learning that another person who occaisionally attends the Monday night ACIM class I regularly did until recently has the same feelings I do about the current teacher. In short… a large aspect of a huge pontificating ego is present, right side along with 25 year study and practice, being very patient and kind in class and with spot on answers to any and all questions regarding the text in the class. I’ve judged him for his pontificating style as well as his resistance to reading books like Journey Beyond Words, or attending a local two evening presentation given by David Hoffmeister. David is awake within the dream,funny, humble, has a foundation and group of folks he lives with. He lives solely on direction from HS. He’s traveled the world speaking and offering question and answer formats and retreats. I just couldn’t understand how someone many of us in this class had heard present at a Course in Miracles conference we attended and were excited to see again and wanted to share it with whomever might be interested and were blown away by…I mean he is AWAKE here having the happy dream and serving by truly being helpful…how could someone who says he is always willing to question his beliefs say “I’m just not interested”. I’m not charge about it today, and realize it’s not wise or useful to care either way or have it be fuel for judging he’s less than for his choice.
I lent the teacher a book of David’s I bought at the presentation- Awakening Through A Course in Miracles and he’s really loved it and found it very helpful to his process and understanding.

I was telling her about joining Monk’s classes and my exploration of the rooms and folks within them these last two days after visiting the site frequently for years. It was my former Monday night class teacher who loves Ken Wapnick’s classes who turned us all onto Monk’s site one day. We went to a Gary Renard presentation together a few years ago and all loved what he offered us. I’ve spent almost 2 years of classes with the present teacher and watching my resistance to his style and what it teaches me about my resistance to forgive and all the choices I make to judge,condemn and compare.
I’ve appreciated all his “best” gualities along with my classmates’ thirst and desire to explore the text and it’s application in our lives. I decided after hearing my first class with Monk there are enough daily opportunities for me to practice forgiveness and I’m done with attending this class except on moved to do so occaision to join with folks attending and the teacher too. My friend was very happy to learn about all the realms of joining and learning here at Monk’s global site.

Nina, In Nebraska we would say ‘grazing in greener pastures’does that help?

Michele,Go to the Paulo and the Magican page and there is quite alot there on processing with Cory. :) Plus other very good stuff.

Darling Nina…. i feel very inept at oral expression but i cannot bear for you to suffer so i`m gonna say what i think….

First of all we ALL think we are here otherwise we wouldnt be here.

Second we ALL make things big or little, important at any given time…that`s what egos do.

Third, we are ALL insane.

Dont fight it beloved, stay with the terror ….. take time out and do whatever you need to do to comfort yourself just as you would comfort a terrified child…

And then HAVE FAITH that whatever has brought you this far will not let you down now…

xoxoxoxoxooxoxoxooxoxoxoxoxooxoxoxoxoo

Several years ago i was going through stages of intense terror. I would get to a point where the fear and hopelessness was so intense i could feel the cells of my body disintegrating.

On one of these occasions i had enough presence of mind to lay down on the couch with my journal and a pen, and without looking at the paper just wrote whatever came up. Nasty voices came up at me as if from my past and i just jotted down what they said. These were all messages of my extreme unworthiness and unacceptability.

I felt like i was in a black hole so i just let myself sink into it.

Then i caught a glimpse of a big yellow shiny sun. I had gone right through the black hole and discovered light on the other side.

That was a turning point for me. My attacks of terror just start diminishing after that.

Nina love – winnie said it – now is the time for faith. I’m hearing your terror too and holding you in mind with much gentleness.

Are you willing to say: I feel like I’m here but I’m willing to give faith to the thought that I’m mistaken (what ever it seems to feel like) and trust that what Jesus says is true and in fact none of it’s real? Then be exquisitely gentle with sweet and loving self… something WILL shift and change. Love, hugs, a gentle lullaby, shush now – éverythings gonna be juuust fine. Truely.

Michele, thank you for your post.. I love seeing how you view our Monastery, and your process… keep it up please!!

D♡G

Thanks Al…..

Michele i just wanted to mention in response to your post about David Hoffmeister. I`m into ACIM as much as the next student and very open about everything but DH simply does not attract my interest, even though i hear he is “awakened”….so perhaps it`s simply a matter of whoever turns you on.

Hi again Nina: We all think things are happening here, namely us. :) That’s why ACIM came — to slowly teach us that experience lies, and that we are much more than we think. So we start where we are, and we all start in the same place, namely: I am a separate individual body who is a victim, and we work our way up from there, eventually learning and truly experiencing that we are a mind that chooses.

Along the way we’ll use many symbols. As long as we think we are a specific (a body) we will need specifics (e.g. Jesus / ACIM / TAT / chocolate) to help lead us beyond specifics. The key is to give everything to Jesus for his purpose: to undo rather than reinforce the idea we are victimized bodies. (This would include being positively victimized by ACIM or TAT or a beautiful piece of music.)

The sum of my post could be this:

Jesus teaches “I am never upset (or happy) for the reason I think.” This gets us back to the mind.

When we think anything here has power, including ACIM or TAT, we are teaching ourselves “I AM upset or happy for the reason I think”, and instead of flying back to the mind with Jesus, we cage him and everything else in the prison of the ego thought system and its projection — the world.

But to repeat: That doesn’t mean we don’t eat, don’t see a doctor, or don’t do what helps us, we just do it with Jesus, with a little smile, knowing that everything comes from our decision, no matter our symbol or special agent of choice.

When ya are driving, or working, (or doing anything, really) and it all seems to be happening REAL FAST–
Ya sometimes need to take a deep breath and refocus …..
*sigh* that’s better!
I have to remind myself to eliminate the things that DON’T matter and actively focus on things that DO.

God Is Love

If she calls, if I call, if I hurt her “metaphysically,” if I forgive, if I fail, if I hate/fear –
in five seconds flat I am back in the mix, depressed about the past, and anxious about the future!

Be vigilant only for God, and His Kingdom. God is but Love, and therefore so am I.

The metaphysics seem to be the “backstory” of the ego – dream – illusion.
The “real” story is God Is Love.

I want to forget about ego analyzation of form – “How would an army act in dreams? ANY WAY AT ALL!”
“And turn you to the stately calm within, where, in holy stillness, dwells the living God you never left, and who never left you.”

Thank you to every loving answerer! The words below, Jamie, was what helped me understand what you meant. And of course this is so for me too – I just could not see from your post yesterday that THAT was what you meant:

#

When we think anything here has power, including ACIM or TAT, we are teaching ourselves “I AM upset or happy for the reason I think”, and instead of flying back to the mind with Jesus, we cage him and everything else in the prison of the ego thought system and its projection — the world.

I never thought TAT had powers, though – it’s just a modality helps me to let go of ego/false identity and receive what is in my mind.I sort of slip into a very intuitive/receptive mode, where it is so much easier to hear His Voice. It’s just a very good space for me, without judgment. “I” don’t have to figure things out for “me” any longer – I can truly open up for Him.

As I am writing now, it is from quite a different space than the terror that caught me yesterday, where Monk’s post/comment to my TAT-post to lawrence/ sent me exactly into some disossiated knot that I wouldn’t have had access to, had I not been pushed headlong into it.
After posting last night, I went to bed, certain that Jesus would help me through it, knowing this disociated terror well, and telling Him that whatever this brought, I would welcome it.
And this morning, I got an unexpected call from New Zealand – a friend who wanted to share a Focusing-session.

When it was my turn to Focus, I immediately saw this dissociated litte girl outside my body, to the right of my head. Her theme is the Son of God’s original theme: the feeling of exile from “the family”, and the guilt which that created – and the self-hatred that was created out of that. Just by being with her, and not merging with the terrible feelings of guilt and fear, I sensed a great cold coming over my body – I said yes to that – and then she was inside me, no longer disossiated. I saw a clear image of this cage of terror and selfhatred she believed was her reality: a box with ironspikes from all directions, and the sides of the box slowly pressing through her and penetrating her completely – and not dying from that.

There came this gracefilled moment when a clear realisation came – “I hated myself because I though i was guilty – I am not – and my parents gave me all their selfhatred, because they saw themselves as guilty.”

And this is clearly just an error – nothing else.

This insight was filled with great light, and at that moment I saw and experienced in this little girl’s body ( which I knew was not “mine” and “real”, but oh how I felt it anyway) that the spikes sort of melted – and as they were being drawn out of the box and the girl was free, I sensed a great rush of light and life pouring into me: now she wasn’t judged and hated anylonger, and it was JUST AN ERROR.

This experience in her/my body also made it crystal clear that body I am not.

All the while when this was going on, the symbols of the child’s torture, and the tortured mind of the mind of the Son of God believing in the guilt, were clear. And again I have to be grateful for having lived through the torture in this life- because it so accurately symbolises what we seemed to go through when believing in the tiny mad idea – and lately the “transport” from the “this is my life- experience” to “this is only happening in my mind” is very clear.

So thank you dear Jamie for writing it exactly the way you did, which brought me to where i am now.
Soft hug

I am now officially Sonina of the Screamatorium (S.O.S)

DoG
Tonight I was at a place where they were playing records (old vinyl lp’s)
and they had two different songs going at the same time.
Two different turntables – what an apt metaphor!

Two different sources – two different time frames – one had nothing to do with each other.
They DID NOT enhance each other…they didn’t create silence and cancel each other out…
They created chaos and made a mess of both!

Like serving two masters – you will hate one and love the other….

Perhaps that is like “being” a body, or “being” a Mind.
If you try to be BOTH, you just hear two different voices, taking you in two different directions.
And you lose the meaning of both.
“Each is internally consistent, but they are diametrically opposed in all respects, so that partial allegiance is impossible.”
(God or the ego, Chapter 11)

Hmmmmm, boy oh boy, there is just so much to undo, be gentle with, just to remember to do it with Jesus and bring it all to the mind we share with him. Reading the exchanges above around terror experiences and hope, the reponses to Nina and Winnie’s remarks, Jamie’s clarification for Sonina.. all those thoughts give my mind a new territory… an entirely different terrain and doorway to perception to ponder and relate to and be guided by. The dialogs are showing me where my many blocks and blindspots are, where I’m not focusing or knowing is a place and way to focus and where I can be choosing to remember to put my attention is the best way I can express it for now.
I felt unease right after I hit the submit button on my last whisper above. Why…because here I am so happy and grateful to be in the welcoming, happy and kind company of everyone here and then I proceed give specifics to an experience of mine that is nothing more than an attack and judgement on an innocent brother who has been part of my journey to arrive here. For whatever reason I apparently wanted to immeadiately share something (from the past! even) that showed my egoic folly and the attack dogs of hate. It was more like a vomit than a whisper. I would have so rather left my issues with the teacher part out. It’s not that I can’t reveal fear or stupid egoic choices here but…well enough said.

Nina aka Sonina…I live in Sausalito Calfornia.
Winnie and Debbie thanks for your comments on not being drawn to DH and it being a right minded personal preference.
Jamie wrote about being “positively victimized” with ACIM or anything else…what does that mean? just taking it seriously- good or bad?
Ruth-Anne…fun to share birthdays with you…what year were you born? 48 was mine.
How do y’all that use italics do so within this space..I don’t see an Italics choice on my laptop ( PC Toshiba Satellite)
Debbie …how do you make your o in DoG?
TexAnne…your whisper 264 was very helpful thanks

Hi Michele:

To make my heart ♡, I have “special characters” option on my browser, in the ‘edit’ pull down menu. From there it’s pasting them in. I run Safari, but others here have found it so on their PC browsers as well. We have even found musical notes there, so now we can sing!

It’s tricky to explain italics and bold without it actually doing it on the page, but I’ll try.

Left arrow, letter i, right arrow – starts italics
Left arrow, /, letter i, right arrow, – end italics
substitute b for the i if you want bold.

Re: your post 248.. sometimes a girl’s just gotta hurl… this is after all “Big Deal” room… and plenty were here to hold your hair back, lend you some back support and hand you a warm wash cloth afterwards.. I’m always embarrassed after an ego hurly-gurly… and then I remember that that’s also something to forgive..

Loves to you,
D♡G

Brilliant, Monk – that certainly did the trick!! Thanks. Much easier.

xoxoxoxo
D♡G

Righto A/T: This is MY dream, not somebody else’s.. That seems one of the ways HS uses our “it’s all about me-ness” to help us wake up. We’re one mind all split up so we can hate each other, therefore our selves.. very effective way to keep the ego going. Same for our “specialness” which is currently giving me the heebee-geebees. I was really in touch with my hatred for God that he could not make me the special-est one!! Ouch, ouch, ouch.

And I LOVED that movie.. did you see it? (Something’s Gotta Give)… No probly not, I don’t think it’s Canadian… Diane Keaton’s ‘crying’ scenes are priceless…

Hugs,
D♡G

Yes I did see that movie – loved it – one of my favourites, eh?

I liked the part in the film where she was in the little store –
and everywhere she looked she saw little old ladies – old maids!!
Talk about projection!!

Going back a ways – “A murderer is frightened, and those who kill fear death.”
I just got who the murderer is!
Sorry Monk, you tried to tell me, but I’m kinda slow.

Twins again DoG
I sit at a traffic light and think “Blankity blank blank fornicators move your blankity blankity blank!”
Then I ask myself “Since when did I become so full of rage and fear and terror?”
I don’t remember being like this before.
So this is the (un)real me? My raw ego exposed?
Where did all the butterflies and kitties go?
DoG
I think it must be the transitional noise of change!

Tex you always say it so … so … clear and sharp – I like it very much. Just as well all this blankity blank crap is not REAL aye? Otherwise we’d be running off to another deeper, more mysterious, unfathomably unfathomable Universe to hide it all again.

Sings loudly in an off key screech … It aint reeaal . it aint reaaal it’s just one huge gigantic unreal deal.

Debbi, TexAnne and Al. This subject works for me, too. Like you, now that I am more aware of the thoughts that play CONTINUOUSLY in my mind, I am appalled as well. My worry has been “will it ever end?” Where is the peace that will surely come and will I be able to hold on to Jesus’ hand tightly enough for the time I will need? It seems like such a very long process even though we’re told it can happen (snaps finger) just like that (the total awareness, anyway). However, Monk’s class this week helped me a lot. Even though I swear I retain nothing, I find that statements made by others cause me to say, “Yes, I get that. I understand.” Thank you all for sharing. And TexAnne, your comments are what I keep in my mind, too. “…God is love and therefore so am I.” Please include me in on your BIG hug, Al. Love you all. DD.

♪♬♫
Merrily, merrily, merrily, merrilly,
Life is but a dream!!
♫♬

Yes Winnie you are right again. Forgiveness is it. It’s all I can do.
I have also had fear bubbling right under the surface. These last few posts really hit home. One mind indeed. I didn’t even know how to talk about it. Some of you can just express it so beautifully and clearly and I am still pushing it down and projecting full blast OUT.
Daughter, sister, DH, father….on and on. The observation of my wrong mind filled with hate/guilt/fear sickens me. And the fact that I choose it over and over sickens me. I have a choice. I almost never access that choice.
Yes Debbi, I have to conclude too that this is part of a process, that I too, want to do more than what is required of me.
It’s all resistance.

a long long way to go

Thank-you for these posts.

Throw us another life-jacket, matie – Ruthie’s clumb aboard!!!

Do…..a dee-ah, a female dee-ah…..
♬♫♬♪
It fitting that we use Solfeggio is the Monastery.
It was used by Monks who had taken a vow of silence
so they could still sing…

That’s really nice, Michele. I’ll add my own little story to Debbi’s surfing the ocean of terror whisper. In fact, I didn’t realize until this moment that it has kind of come full circle today. Will explain more about that in a moment…

So, yeah, about two years ago I was in a lot of physical pain, and had been for several months. I was at the Foundation and sat down for a chat with Ken, and he looked me in the eyes for a few moments, and then said, “I think you’re doing really well, actually; I sense a lot of peace in you. Even though you’re in a lot of pain, I sense it’s just like a little pile of garbage floating on top of a deep ocean of peace. You’re scared of the peace so you’re just really focusing on the garbage so you can prevent yourself from seeing the expanse of the ocean beneath.”

It was comforting, but the pain continued. :) Anyhow, I think it’s a nice way for any of us to look at our ego.

That actual pain indicated a certain very painful procedure/test be done (multiple people said it was the most excruciating pain they’d ever experienced), and even though it was the right thing to do, I couldn’t bring myself to do it. I was struck with terror at the thought. So for two years I put it off. About a month ago something just shifted and I picked up the phone and made an appointment, which ended up being yesterday. I was surprised at my lack of nervousness leading up to it (it finally kicked in with a couple hours to go, but even then I was treating it as a normal forgiveness lesson). And then when the doctor offered to put me to sleep for it — an option he had previously told me was not available — I actually declined because that would have meant waiting two more weeks. He even said this procedure would be more painful for me than most, because of certain factors. I still heard myself saying, “That’s ok, let’s do it.” Again, I’m surprised. As if it’s not the me I know talking. So we do the procedure. No pain. At all.

A couple weeks ago I wondered aloud to Ken if it was going to be painful, and he said, “It doesn’t have to be.” Then he added, “Just don’t see it as punishment.”

There’s no way to know for sure, but my sense is that an internal shift in regards to guilt allowed my fear to abate enough to have the procedure, and that this procedure — obviously a very powerful symbol for me — resulting in no pain whatsoever, was another symbol of my releasing guilt — no guilt, no punishment. It was also a great lesson. Where I expected to be crucified by God, I received a gentle blessing instead. Maybe I decided to stop crucifying myself to some degree.

One last note. Ken said he would be with me, and when I got in the car to leave for the appointment I pressed “play” but there was no CD in the stereo. So I reached up to the visor where there were ten workshop discs. As my hand reached up I asked Ken to choose one that would let me know he was with me. I grabbed one in the middle and put it in.

I couldn’t believe what happened next. I heard Beethoven’s 15th 3rd movement fill my car. And my heart.

Dearest Monk, thank you for your sharing. It has touched a very special place for me and some concerns I have been having for a period of time. It has helped me tremendously. Much, much love to you. DD.

Michele, thank you for opening your heart to us… it is lovely….D♡G

Lovely sharing Mr Monk. I guess a painless experiance of ‘pain’ as a reinforcement of the learning done and guilt let go is a gift to be anticipated by any who do this course? I’m so encouraged by your telling us about this because it reaffirms the whole nails through wrists without pain thing as truely possible once we’ve gone far enough along the path of changing allegiance back to Truth. NOT that that is the goal (to feel no pain in the world) … but to see it as a nice and transitory side effect of waking up. Also thanks for all you and the team do here … MUCH heart appreciation!

That was good to read.

And reaing how much work it is for the adm-monks to keep this place going – I forget that so easy -thanks for the reminder. You do such wonderful work.
For anyone who has missed me in the grotto and called out for me and searched under the bushes and other such places there, I have been in the throes of a demon of paranoia…and he comes in and out. Lived with him for all my life(s) I think – and now just little things sets him off – I saw something completely false in a remark from Jamie, and he corrected my perception with love – but my remark to his remark was moderated, and I don’t know why. May be it was tainted with the paranoia-fear-and-suspicion without me being able to see it – but when the moderation-note now comes up it sends me righ back into the demons arms – and now i look at its sentences of how jamie is guilty and me me me being guilty and I hear them and hear them and hear them and such a big part of me knows that it is such bullshit. That does not change it.
Yesterday I decided: I deny the reality of these thoughts -I meant it and whoops – gone. Completely. The day was the best i think i ever had – until evening came and I met my daughter, and it just moved back again. I still deny it’s reality, and this time it does not move at all.
So the feeling of desperation at reading the automated messages – you are being moderated -(meaning:you are unkind) kept me from posting – each time it sends me straight into paranoia again. It is a slimy icky terror-prison and i hate being in it.

It seems to kill off the Nina you ( and I ) know – the one that LOVES this place and the silliness and whatever antics going on in the grotto. I read the last nights celebration and ssooo wanted to partake – and felt quite dead. It aggravates me no end that I can say and mean and believe “these thoughts have no reality” and the paranoia is GONE – and that it just creeps back by being with the person I love the most. And we had such a loving time – until I got home and the paranoia struck again.

So I do th forgiveness-thing – of course – but it sucks when it seems to just be words. But the willingness is here big time. I will trust that it is enough, even though the demon is yelling me down and my body feels weird.
And to know that i want this makes me feel so guilty.

Hugs appreciated big time

And – miracle – I am off the moderation – - -
I see that I perceive it as a ban-bull(?) – like Luther – being cast out from the family and love – hm- that sounds very familiar – I’ll go back to bed and just be with that terror now … but it is amazing how the throught immideately change now…the feeling of doom and judgment are still there, but I am no longer hooked into it so much – thank God

Let me first say that I love you all. I haven’t posted since I got a a message that said I was posting too much and to slow down. I was rather shocked when I saw that, as it was one of the few days that Anne didn’t text first and so I thought I would go ahead and do so, mine was the first post for the day. So, about, I don’t know, but I would say maybe 5 or 6 hours later with only 2 total posts, I submitted another post and received the message I referred to. I was really excited about this post because it seemed rather important to me at the time but it came back with that message, which to be quite honest felt like a smack in the face.

I was being monitored at that point but I thought it was something that was done periodically to new folks. Jamie’s post tonight got me thinking otherwise. So, I racked my brain to see what I might of said or what I was trying to teach that wasn’t acceptable here. The only thing I came up with was a post in which I said “We are the clowns of God” now I guess a clown can be looked at in a different light depending on the person. I read a book years ago by Morris West (I think I got that right) called the Clown’s of God” he was writing about the different Pope’s in the catholic church. But, my post just stated “We are the clowns of God” with no explination. I had a train of thought going but got pulled away and never got back to it. Nuff said about all of this!

I am very thankfull for the time I spent here and to be a part of the sharing that goes on. Bernard said he had never been a part of a study group and he felt all was done pretty much in the mind. Both statements are true about me as well. Though I posted on the DU board for over 2 years, I believe it was over 2000 members when I started and is 5000 or more now. There was no real opportunity to share on the level you can here. I do very much understand the reason for the checks and balances, but am rather taken aback that I have broke some rules or have offended someone in some way.

So, it is almost 2:00 O’clock in the morning where I live and I must help my wife with the turkey in the not to distant future. I don’t know where all of this is going but I do want to wish you all a Happy Thanksgiving and leave you all with a heart felt!

God bless us every one
PS: I wrote this before seeing Nina’s post. I am in very good company! (big smile)

{{{Nina}}}

{{{{{(((((((({{Nina,Lawrence, Monk, Michelle, TexAnne, DoG, Al, Lisi, Lisa, Pam,
ALL MONKLINGS EVERYWHERE}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}
We are so blessed.

I have rarely told this story as it is usually not understood or appreciated for what it is and has only cause fear – so I have kept it to myself for the last six years – until now. But it felt so appropriate today and I am kind of ready to let it go as a “big deal”

It was 6 years ago, Thanksgiving weekend, that I had a life changing experience that brought me to the Course.

On the Saturday after Thanksgiving that year, I witnessed a car accident that took the lives of a young mother and father and left two children, a 3 year old and a four year old, parentless. I saw laying three feet away from me the young mother’s body torn in half – her legs had been severed – her formerly pregnant swollen belly still showing signs of having held an infant. This was obviously terrifying and horrific but for me had other significant triggers – I was a professional dancer and dance teacher and my father had been paralyzed from the neck down had to have his legs amputated when I was a teenager. Seeing her legs so violently ripped from her body made me pretty close to catatonic with terror for about a week. I prayed (with a certainty that I cannot explain), “God, I know you are trying to tell me something. I know I am supposed to learn something here and I am open because I am scared beyond belief”. A week later, after deep depression, days of weeping, and utter terror, I had an experience that I cannot explain but that clearly, beyond a shadow of a doubt, let me know that “things are not as they seem”. I was at peace with that answer and I was introduced to the course two weeks later. I would never go back to life as I had understood it every again.

Two or three years ago, even though I was a very diligent Course student, I do not know if I would have fully understood what all of you were writing about nor would I have appreciated the monestary. Last year, I did not even understand a word Ken Wapnick said and when I did, it made me depressed.

So I sit here today happily, with Jesus, Ken, Monk, and all of you (and every symbol in this dream) as my teachers on Thanksgiving Day. And I know it sounds so freakin’ silly but I was moved to tears when i saw that my Thanksgiving post got moved to being the first Thanksgiving day post on this site!!!! Thanksgiving has been so significant to me for the last six years. I am in tears for all that I have learned -that I am not, nor was that young woman, nor was my Dad, a body. That the image of suffering that I feared in my mind for those children that lost their parents on that day and for myself as the child that lost her Daddy just is not real.

And then, I read my lesson for the day:

Lesson 330
I will not hurt myself again today.

Let us this day accept forgiveness as our only function. Why should we attack our minds, and give them images of pain? Why should we teach them they are powerless, when God holds out His power and His Love, and bids them take what is already theirs? The mind that is made willing to accept God’s gifts has been restored to spirit, and extends its freedom and its joy, as is the Will of God united with its own. The Self which God created cannot sin, and therefore cannot suffer. Let us choose today that He be our Identity, and thus escape forever from all things the dream of fear appears to offer us.

Father, Your Son can not be hurt. And if we think we suffer, we but fail to know our one Identity we share with You. We would return to It today, to be made free forever from all our mistakes, and to be saved from what we thought we were.

Can you freakin’ believe this? I am in awe and in tears at how beyond my understanding this experience of peace and love is and by how much we are guided when we allow it.

Hi there,
I have been reading the whisphers this week after coming back from my Birthday mini vacation. The trip was lovely and I appreciated what Lawrence said about time with loved ones being important. Coming back to home/work/messy house/pains in body/blah, blah, blah has been the same ol’ same ol’ back and forth with ego and forgiveness. Monk’s words from class that have really helped me…All I know is that I am hurting. Please help. And most of the time when I remember to do this, I do receive help, peace, comfort and then I am more able to look or just rest.
Thanks again for the Birthday wishes which I loved. Sending hugs and love to all monklings.

I have read all your whispers with such a full heart. Lawrence, I am glad Monk was able to explain to you what has been occurring with the program and that it is not you at all. I love your posts and the kindness that comes through with your words. Jessica, what an uplifting story you have shared. Thanksgiving becomes a very special word for you, doesn’t it. How wonderful it brought you here. Dearest Nina, you have such a beautiful light and are loved so much here. And in spite of what you have been going through lately, you take the time to tuck someone else in and sing her a song. I love you. May all of you have a wonderful, loving day, dear brothers.

What a treasure of communication has been exchanged since I sent my original whisper last night and went off to watch Glee and Nip/Tuck on TV.

Your painless procedure just yesterday our dear Monk is such a powerful gift for us all to take into our minds. I like thinking of you basking in the peace and gratitude of it all today with loving companions all around you. Thank you for sharing it with us. Also thanks for giving us a picture of all that your team does for us, as well as explaining the guidelines and the whys of the quirky mechanisims of the site that can seem like we erred but haven’t.

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{ {{{{{{{{{Endless Hugs for you Nina}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}
{{{{{{{{{{ Jessica…Thank you for sharing your Thanksgiving day story with us}}}}}}}}
{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Welcome Home and Happy Belated Birthday Kendall!}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}
Lisa, Lawrence, Cordelia, Ruth Anne, Tex Anne, Debbi,DonnaD,Winnie Monklings Everywhere
May You Be Well,May You Be Safe, May You Know Peace, May You Know Joy

There have been some absolutely wonderful posts here that I am only just discovering now. Sorry I missed the thread. In the old days I used to surf the web; now I have to learn how to surf the Monastery – there are so many rooms to visit! I’ve had fear (and hate) stuff as well, so I guess it’s part of the journey. We’ll hold hands and lead eachother through it.

OK Nina, I would love to accept your mother love especially today. Thank you for the light and love, really truly thank you for reaching out with mother energy. I will take a moment now to let that love flow in. Oh, I feel very open so you are right that will do us good. I have a wonderful feeling in my crown chakra sometimes that feels very joined and connected and I’m feeling it now, oh thank you.

I suppose since we do like sharing here (thanks for the story Jessica, wow) I will write a bit. I no longer go to Thanksgiving (or any other gathering for the most part) with my mom and sister and my mom’s extended family. I still love everyone there very much but the situation is just not working out for me to be there (too commplicated to explain -at least I don’t feel like explaining).

Anyway, I love the feelings of freedom I feel now days, I don’t feel like a victum anymore that I can’t be with my family. Because 5 years ago when I first stopped being “with” them in form I felt so much suffering and victum focus. I know that it is not what happens in form/being with them/seeing them that is real joining. I still know that there are “pockets” of projection and specialness that get triggered because of the seeming separation and I try to stay open to the learning/classroom. So, I feel free to choose peace today and I will “be with” my family (DH’s side) and my sweet daughter.

Nina, so I am sending you the daughterly love (((((NOW)))). Big hugs, Kendall

Bernard, i would love to hear about your rock bottom experience – and the amazing things happening.

jessica – your graphic descriptions had a most healing affect on me – my energysystem let off a lot of toxicity. It was like the description opened a door to something I had stuffed, and just allowing the images flowed through this locked room and new air could come in. I am slowly coming back to the non-possessed state of mind.

My first encounter with the Course was very non-dramatic – it stood on the shelf in the biggest bookstore in town in 1986, and my body just walked calmly up to it and took it to the cashier.
The hard praying and rock bottom for me happened one night after a some years of demons – I talked to jesus and asked Him to explain to me why this happened, and He did. BIG release and relief.

Monk: thank you so much for sharing with us your story, and sooooooooooo much thanks for making possible this place where everybody can share and learn. Thanks a lot for all the whispers here, Jessica, Nina, Kendall, Lisa, all. It´s so comforting to read all this and know at last I am not alone. I can see myself in each one of your posts, and I am learning little by little that invaluable Monk´s teaching: be gentle with yourself, gentle, gentle, gentle, I almost daily listen to his free excerpt where he lovingly advise us: gentle, gentle, gentle. Hugs and all my love to you all. Lisi

Thanks. I needed that. Both. The spewing and the drink. That way we can hold hands and go straight to hell together. Shall we?

Now that I’ve got a drink in my hand, care to elaborate? Or not. Your choice. I’m listening…

Well that depends if you wanna go all “forgiveness” on yourself or not. Seems to me if you’re having this conversation with both me and Jesus, that’s about it for taking care of it. If ya wanna beat yourself up about it, I’ll listen to that too (I happen to have a PhD in beatin myself up.) Seems like now’s not the time for metephysics… just sit back n have a drink with me.

I just cannot metaphysics this. I know I am doing this to myself but it hurts right now. I cannot believe I’m blabbing like this.

Nope. No metaphysics tonight. Hollering’s best. Best done with a drink, too. And we don’t tell ourselves “I did this to myself.” Not til we’ve finished all the babbling we want to do.

Thanks for joining us, WinWin… we’re pissed and straight on our way to hell together. Wanna come? Pour her something nice, Ruthie. Thanks. Now..as you were saying…

Ruth-Anne, what is hurting?

Can we delete these posts. I am starting to feel REALLY STUPID

::::giggling;;;;
I think I am losing it.
It was a nice family dinner at my sister’s house…. :::hehehe::::
NOT
Oh you guys.

stay with the pain babe…. you can do this and by “do” i really mean “dont” fight it, that is.. We are all REALLY STUPID, and hey if they`re giving out awards for the latter, i definitely get First prize….

wow this pomegranate liquer packs a mighty punch…..

Yeah, we love our stories. But Monk also says we don’t beat ourselves up about it. But sometimes we do anyway, so then we don’t beat ourselves up about THAT.

Right, Winnie — Gawd… one more of these and I’ll be typing with my nose.

removed by request

in the heat of the battle, sometimes it`s all one can do to just take the tiniest step… so dont fight beating yourself up, cause then you`re fighting yourself for fighting yourself…. give yourself permission to beat up on you and forgive yourself for that and that tiny step will be enough…… and our loving hugs are speaking of Christ to you – proof positive ! xoxox

Ooooh, that salad sounds delicious. Got any left? I could use some food right about now.. things are getting fuzzy. So nice of you to honor the Grotto with your pomegranate.

i`ve never had pomegranate but it sounds English and the salad you have made sounds awesome

Pomegranates! Now I KNOW what that is…

gee Ruth i am almost jealous of you for this most excellent forgiveness opportunity you have had tonight. I mean it was a biggie right ? so you`re are probably zooming up the ladder right now… way to go girl ! xoxoxoxoxo

I love you guys so much. And yes this IS a HUGE forgiveness opp for me. Zooming up the ladder…I think not….more like bumping my chin again and again as my foot slips, but there ARE those moments.
There are those moments.
Goodnight. Love to you both

One more thought, Ruth-Anne… have you tried calling the secret area code? You know, Wisconsin?

I’m smiling too.

I’m totally ok if you want to clean my house too, Anne/Texas, lol:)

Hey, I’d love Monkling insights on an experience I had. I’m not upset about it at all; I would just like some Course understanding on what appeared to happen…

I visited a local Course group (again, probably running around trying to people-please Jesus, lol!) Anywho, I visited a couple of times and noticed this happening and, well, it just didn’t seem to sit with me.

The people were great, the leader was nice. Everyone sat around. We talked about what was going on in our lives and read from the Text. Great. But what got me was how the leader kept throwing around the word, “Miracle”. She used it SO many times in talking about her life. And I think she was using the term in a different way than the Course means. I think she was saying that when something “good” happened, or something happened that she wanted the outcome to be that way, that she called it a ‘miracle”. I think it didn’t sit well with me because I would like to really understand what the Course and Jesus are teaching. I’m not trying to dog this woman at all…she was extremely nice and I totally wish her well. It just seemed it was more about the Law of Attraction and good things happening because we ‘intended’ them to happen and so EVERYTHING became a MIRACLE and I was wondering when the t-shirts and pens emblazoned with “MIRACLE” were going to be passed around, lol:)

So, I just needed to talk about it because it was weird and I’m totally fine with the experience, I just needed to talk about it:)

{{{ruth-anne}}}

Dear SisterAnn, I can so relate to the situation you explained as it has been an issue for me for the last couple of years – in a slightly more extreme way – but maybe this will help, I don’t know. Most recently I have been questioning my own interpretation of similar situations.

I had not found an ACIM group to attend that I could not find something wrong with. And indeed, the vocabulary being used in the classes would not “jive” with Ken or Monk’s explanations of Course principles. However, it would get to the extreme of me being quite upset and annoyed with all the airy-fairy talk of how people got all these wonderful things in form because of all the “miracles” in their lives. I would leave the meetings frustrated and feeling the need to start teaching an ACIM class myself. They all seemed to be teaching the Coures WRONG and gosh darn it someone had to tell them!

It does not sound as if you were feeling that level of annoyance at all, but with all “levels” of discomfort being equal (or something like that?), I don’t know – this is what I discovered…

As I watched my peace diminish after each meeting, I realized that it was IMPOSSIBLE that my reaction was with Jesus holding my hand and the only common denominator was me! My reaction was based on judgment…period. I was assuming a role (judge of what is “REAL course” and what is not “REAL” course) that was not mine to assume. That does not mean that I do not have a preference – I can choose not to attend or I can choose attend. It doesn’t really matter except to choose it without judgment. If I am ever called to teach, I will know it and not NEED to do it like I was feeling – that is definitely my ego superiority complex. I had to open up to Jesus and see what it was I was really asking for – was I looking for an opportunity to show off how darned spiritual and ACIM knowledgable I was (separation) or was I really looking to learn more and find a safe place to grow on this atonement process (greater joining). I think I was initially, unconciously looking for a place to feel separate – what could feel more separated than an ACIM meeting where they are all doing it wrong and you are the ONLY one that “knows” the truth? So, when I realized how much peace I did not have around attending a group, I decided that I must be asking the wrong question (and what was my purpose in finding a group?) and allowed Jesus to help me and show me what I need to be asking for. Interestingly enough, I was guided to this website here, hopped on the rickety bus and started re-reading the text, perused the monestary grounds and found wonderfully loving monks and monklings that let me share experiences in a non-threatening,safe environment on my way through this atonement process. Now, I practice sometimes by attending a group in person and seeing how my ego shows up – I practice being aware that there is nothing to fix, nothing to change, because that is not my job, Jesus & the HS have got that under control…I just forgive myself for believing that there is any problem here and that I must be mistaken. And amazingly, I feel so much love in the room because I feel our sameness rather than our differences. I just have to remember that I don’t really know anything and I can judge nothing that occurs in form – even in an ACIM meeting:).

I don’t know if that helps or not –
Much love and peace,
Jess

Cordelia, I am fast getting ‘hooked’ on your hugs… thank you so much. Whether the hug is for me, or another, I enjoy them equally. Great big huge humongous {{hugs}} back to you. =-= D♡G

Debbi- I’ve been busy here this morning making pancakes and sausage for my boys. Now I just need to find a larger skillet, or maybe several smaller ones- one for each burner…now where did I put them…..Oh, and I have sausage and bacon….yes, I think maybe we can pull this off….

You mean paper towels are different from napkins? I thought they were the same thing. OK, let’s get cooking! Brunch coming up!

I love the example you choose DoG because although this website is my first ACIM group I have been a fitness instructor for 25 years at a YWCA and yes I have had a few forgiveness lessons there. Don’t you gals have leftovers the morning after Thanksgiving? Isn’t that the best part of hosting?

Winnie, I love your words. You’re very down to earth and forthright. Love you. DD.

thank you DD and a big loving hug to you !

p.s. can you tell me about your avatar… i love trees

and now where are in the season of the one special tree !… For the last week i have been wearing a little pendant around my neck that looks just like your avatar `cept with barely noticeable tiny baubles …….If you ever want to share more about your Tree, i would love to hear….. xoxoxoox

Winnie, there isn’t much more to share, hon. Other than when I first started becoming aware of pictures and dreams of a singular tree, I started to research and all I could find on it was that it could represent the Tree of Life. I was okay with that but then ACIM found me and that was no longer a definition that attracted me. I have a print of an old tree growing in a field and when I look at it, I get this odd feeling, like I’m looking at something alive and wise and very much all-there-is. It’s like I’m looking at something I know really well. So it’s not so much the tree anymore but what it represents for me somewhere in my mind. Goodness, I did go on, didn’t I? :::grin:::

Lawrence, every time you post, you DO bless us. Thank you so much, =-= Debbi

DD: Am fascinated by your ‘tree’ story. Thanks for sharing that. I look forward to updates, as they are available.

I had an experience with a tree once… it was a huge maple I believe.. 6 or 7 stories tall, in the middle of the neighbor’s property. I used to lay on the lawn in my back yard and just ‘be’. I looked at the tree, and knew that it did not even begin to compare to the size of what I am. And it seemed sister to me somehow. Ancient. The Course came along not long after. I think the symbol of my tree was “things are not as they seem”.

Loves,
D♡G

Jessica and SisterAnn, loved your posts. Really got me thinking. Maybe we could eventually forget about ever expecting other students to live these principles (it’s sooo hard, anyway). Then, as you suggest, we could just see everything, every moment, as another choice point… for me.

My first post to big-deal-o-meter… You can baptize me now ;)

Today I went to shop to buy some non-alcoholic drinks, ok to be specific, kvass – it is my idol recently. Who does not know what it is, it is a drink made of bread and some other things. Quite tasty ;) Ok, let’s don’t forget gummy bears, which I bought too, we all know how tasty they are, when eaten with HS ;)

So I am going to that shop and I see that everything is so dark outside, buildings are black, everythings seems to be dead and distant. And I notice the fear emerging… the ancient fear I had all my life, which is I am aware now… some might say it is ok to know you were afraid, but come on, it feels terrible ;) so I am feeling left alone, fearful, and there is no escape… even buying kvass did not help ;) so I walked back home having the same old fear… hell, I don’t like that fear… I realized, nothing can help me, but… fear remained. It’s like “nothing can help me, but maybe I am going to stick to my old story”… Then a realization struck me “it is not fear itself that is bad, but not sharing it”. To elaborate on this, I realized that the purpose of fear is/was to dissociate, but when using it with HS, I can join with my brothers, even in fear… of course, after split second I went into fear again… damn!

Cheers,
G.

Thank you sharing for that Gabrielius … it just drew me right into you with much love

………………………….
Nina…. when i read your paragraph about the blue flower and especially that beautiful line you wrote, i got goose bumps big time ! Thank you so much for that, my darling sister. How lovely to think we have had such similar experiences……xoxoxooxoxox

Gabrielius. Wooo whooo!! here’s your “baptism”:) Wow I finally got a new computer skill. I feel faint.

Pam…you rock! So, who is this guy you’ve been seeing lately?

thanks Pam that was good fun :) xoxoxoxoox

You mean the green guy with the tuba and the bite out’a his ear? This is what happens when you go through You Tube with a 10yr old. When Gabrielius mentioned gummy bears(#404) I just really wanted to post the video and it worked. Wow! Now if I can just get my e-mail to send my pictures to Jane I’ll have a gallery too.

Thaaaank-you Pam – my son just watched the gummy bear ten times and is singing it full volume!

Heh heh – i don’t mind – I’m singing it too! One of the few advantages of hearing with a cochlear implant is i can turn it OFF when I want!

Winnie: I love that you whispered your #3 of 5 of your ‘best experiences’… You were so descriptive, I felt like I was in the bush with your blue wildflower right along with you. Funny you should mention being Druids together.. I’m not sure why that seemed like a perfectly obvious notion, but it did. So who knows… Loves and hugs to you, my Druid friend =-= D♡G

{{BIG laughing hug for Laura}}

I’m just catching up and all I gotta say is:
“Ba ba badubidubi yum yum”
Who dosen’t love gummy bears?

LTS: Wow… me and Google is having a fine night tonight… Your’e welcome for the ‘parenthetic’ hug!! And the laughter, thank you!!

Hi Everyone-I haven’t posted a message here in a while. Today, I am not feeling so great. I am finding all kinds of ways to push love away. The crazy fact is that I want to push love away. I am anxious, terrified, depressed and lonely. I keep asking myself “what is the purpose of feeling this way?” The answer I get is so that I can be me. I have been more and more peaceful lately, but today, I am choosing to frighten myself. Sometimes, however painful it may be, it is just so easy to listen to the ego. I guess I just think I know better than the Holy Spirit. I am judging myself as unworthy and I want to judge myself so I can still be in a body. The pain of being separate from God is so awful, but right now I am so afraid of love. I am doing workbook lesson 67 and reading the Text of ACIM. It feels good to gently allow myself to forgive.

Charlene: It is so nice to see you whispering. I can totally relate to the essence of your post… some days feel stronger and more frustrating than others, don’t they. I like hearing that you are gently allowing yourself to forgive. That is the point I would like to be able to reach each and every day. For now, I can just be where I’m able to. Blessings, D♡G

big hugs to you Charlene ! I hope you do something lovely for yourself today…..sometimes a gal just needs a bit of pampering xoxoxoxooxoxoxox

Cute, Katrina… now if we could just find Texas, I think she’s enjoying her Gummi Bears in all languages!! (Luckily I don’t have a printer hooked up to this computer, at least that they know of hee hee – it’s networked) LOL – kitties with fishes in their mouths!!

D♡G
Who loves grandkid stories…

About the pushing love away…
Maybe love is like the mean little kitty.
It only comes to you when you don’t want it to.
I always “hook up” with the ones who are excellent in pushing love away.
*ps….I really don’t think that love is like a mean little kitty…..just a cute little kitty*

{{{{love to you Texas}}}}

I am finally starting to figure out that Charlene as a body does not want to suffer. It’s my mind that thinks it’s Charlene that wants to suffer. I always feel so incredibly guilty for some of the choices I have made in my life. Like choosing the wrong career or choosing the wrong house to live in, etc. Sometimes I feel so guilty for just choosing to be identified with my ego. Sometimes I really want to be identified with my ego even though it brings me pain. That makes me feel guilty because I want my specialness more than I want the peace of God or the love of God. I guess that is what is really bugging me right now. I can tell that my mind wants to be an ego more than it wants the peace of God. There always seems to be enough good stuff in my life to keep me thinking that someday this game of insanity will actually work. However, this latest dip into hell (guilt and depression) has taught me that the circumstances of my life cannot be what is upsetting me, it’s my mind. My mind wants to suffer so much. Today I am choosing to be anxious and upset and in pain. My mind is choosing to see myself as being abandonned and neglected. My ego is so strong in me sometimes. Sometimes it’s easy to forgive. And, other times, it feels so hard and my body feels so real. Thank you all for your good wishes and thank you for listening!

Charlene, Wrapping you in a big, fraternal bear hug. Take good care, my dear. We’re all there with you. Keep breathing deeply, you are not abandoned, but have many friends.

{ giving big hugs to Ruth-Anne and Charlene and everyone else, despite all the squirming!]

Gabrielius did you miss your baptism? Or it didn’t tickle your fancy?

Heavy sigh. I’m tired of pushing. Tired of being tired.

removed by request.

Michele {{{hugs}}}

Michelle {{hugs}} and more {{hugs}. Katrina thank you so much for posting that passage in ACIM in your whisper. I really appreciate it. I kept wondering where in ACIM I could find a description of what I am going through and that passage in T-25.VI.6.6 completely describes it. For a long time I have realized that I made the hell I am living in, I want the hell to be my salvation, and I am upset that it will never work. I want to keep trying to make it work even though it’s futile, and I hate myself for that too. It’s a completely viscious cycle, but part of me loves it. Geeze…that’s hard to even admit. I find it so helpful to be able to come here and talk. Sometimes, I feel like I am going through this stuff all alone. If it wasn’t for a forum like this, I don’t think I would be making this much progress. I think as we help each other we truly help ourselves. To have peace, teach peace to learn it (T-6.V.B.7.4).

Michele, Your welcome and the gallery is in the works just got my e-mail to stop choking on attachments so the first 3 photos have been sent. It gagged on them abit but finally spit them across the pond to Jane. :)

Michele, I read that too, and really liked it. My favorite was when she said “You’re right, honey,” I say. “I’m trying to be consistent, but it doesn’t always work.” Amen to that, eh?

D♡G

Michele, That is a wonderful post. I’ve gotten to the place where I don’t need to defend myself and instead I usually just let my accuser say their piece and I’m quiet. “I’m trying to be consistent, but it dosen’t always work.” is a great reply. Even if the other person dosen’t know exactly what you’re talking about they feel heard.

It was ‘Bess’ –
Now if you’ll excuse me I have a light beam to catch… D♡G

Michelle, I just saw your #457 from a couple days ago. It is so wonderful. Thank you for bringing it to us. It really helped me today with the crew of people around me who seem to be wrong. Made me feel wonderful to know I’m equally wrong.

Funny I didn’t notice since i cleared my cache of cookies to see your new photo Katrina that my name didn’t auto fill and it made my last post anonymous

Hi Melody :-)

I investigated and it seems a kind but mysterious monk thought you were having trouble getting the picture posted, so he twice helped it appear.

Love
Emm-admin

Hi Emm-admin ;-)

Now, I’m really lol!! I decided to just let it go, after I posted here, didn’t want to burden any of you any more….and…….it’s gone! ;-))

Now, if I can just deal with this snow in Chicago the same way….. ;-)))

Love, Gratitude, and more laughter……..
m

Hello Melody, the sound of your laughter is music to my ears xoxox

Last night, I dreamed my Course book was up in a tree.
I had given it to someone (extra copy as a gift.)
They left it there, when they vanished.
So I climbed up and got it down.
ETA: And just now, as I typed this, a bird is going crazy, chirping away – even though it is still dark outside and below freezing!
Thanks, little *birdie* !!
I got the message, and I love you right back!! ♫ ♪♫♪♫♥♥♥

I just found Mozart’s arrangement of Handels’ Messiah!
It is in German – I once lived in Frankfurt….
I found it online – It is SOOO beautiful. My copy was lost along the way, nearly 20 years ago.
Not much you can’t do online these days.

Uns ist zum Heil ein Kind geboren, dessen Herrschaft ist auf seiner Schulter,
und sein Nam’ wird genennet:
Wunderbar, Herrlichkeit und Rat und Kraft und Held und ewig Vater and Friedefürst!

Tex, I’ll never forget that post of your long ago when you found similarities between something to do with musical theory and this “Friedefurst”…now you found Him again, or He found you – I guess you muss be available to be found a lot
love you Anne!

Riveting Annie. I love when people share stuff like this honestly.

annie, the honesty bleeds through your words…thanks so much.

‘So I announced it to the department that I am summoning the gods for a healing. They all think I’m crazy but I figure that gives me a lot of leeway’–that was awesome!

love,
nick

I NEED HELP please from all you computer wizards in the Monastery. I had downloaded all of Monk’s classes to a flash drive (memory stick), believing was I keeping them safe for when I wanted to listen to a particular class. Well, the other day I plugged it into my computer only to find that the computer can no longer read it. I took it to a local computer store and they said that although the light on the stick comes on, the computer does not recognize it as a drive as it no longer seemed to have a drive name (such as F: drive). They said that they thought if I tried to name it, I would lose everything on it. I feel terrible as it was every class that Monk had provided and I treasured them. So if anyone can give me some advice, I would very much appreciate it. Hugs and hopes, DD.

DD: Monk asked me to request you email Emm-Admin with the names of all the lost classes and he will mail them all to you… Please don’t worry about it another minute… will be fixed for you.

Mother

You’re so welcome.. Mother

Oh very good! A new computer! Hugs and a (large) drink with you!… Mother

Hello Mudder S!
Missed you today!
Silly me – I thought you might be in the Grotto!!
What WAS I thinking?

Sorry Texas, had lots to do today, company, longer than usual nap…. tonight DH and I looked all over the darn house for his favorite Pink Panther movie!! Of course it was right under our nose.

“Does your dog bite?”
Clerk: no
{Clousseau gets bit} “I thought you said your dog does not bite!!”
Clerk: that, is not my dog.

Great vidjo, TX…

Dearest Annie thank you for sharing that with us……big hugs to you !

and please come back to the grotto to laugh and play when you can..

…we solemnly promise no birds will be allowed off their perch on the days you visit and if they do they`re gonna be grounded alright heheh {gets pinking shears out}

some might even get et for dinner – then you can have sweet revenge ! luv you xoxox

Bernard, since your name might be easily mistaken for “Bird-nard”,
I would stay clear of Winnie’s pinking shears if I were you… ;:-)
(Just a thought…)

Yes Nina?

Don’t clip the bird!
Clip me if you must, but please let my little bird fly.
She’s only happy when she’s flying -

In case you might be crying out for Love…{{{Charlene}}} I am so glad you are posting again, I missed you!

Charlene, it is good to hear from you. Please share your thoughts. That is the beauty of this place: the safety, the loving thoughts and warm hugs that are available for us all. There is always someone who will share a blanket, a warm hug, a shoulder, some wisdom and do it freely and with much, much love and compassion–not to mention humor when needed. We are all companions on this journey and when one of us is in pain or in joy, we all share in it. We would love to have you join with us. Warmest hugs, DonnaD.

Hi Mother-

Thank you for being so supportive. I just have done things that I cannot forgive myself for. I trusted people that I never should have trusted. I renovated my house 2 years ago. And, the people we hired ended up being terrible. They gave us bad advice and they really didn’t care about the quality of their work. We basically spent a ton of $$$ and ended up with some very serious problems. I am working on trying to fix them, but some of this stuff is just not fixable. They changed our heating system and it’s terrible. We added an addition and it’s impossible to keep the room warm in the winter months. In the winter months, we can’t even use it because it costs too much to heat. My house is cold and I feel guilty for putting my family in harm’s way because it’s so uncomfortable to live here. My husband says in a few years when the market recovers, we can sell the house and move on. But lately, I feel violated and victimized. I believed that I could make my life work on this level. And, I tried really hard to do that, and I fell flat on my face. I wanted to fix up my house for my family to enjoy. And, this project did not come out right, and I can’t even enjoy my house. I don’t even want to be here. So some of what I am feeling is just the shock of betrayal. Right now, I am betraying myself with my thoughts. I know that nothing in this world will ever bring me peace, but there is still the wish in me to find value and peace in the world. And, part of me wants to blame others for my foolish choices. I have done my best to try to forgive my contractors for what they did to us. But the weather is turner colder here. I have been so very angry and upset with myself for letting this happen. I know that Charlene as a body did not do this, I am just a puppet. But, I just still want to blame myself and other people. I know it’s not going to change anything, but living in my mind with these thoughts, I trick myself into thinking that things could have turned out differently, if only I had made a different choice. Maybe it’s easier to think that way, than to accept the truth of who I really am. I guess at the end of the day, it’s just another defense against love. But it seems like I should be upset. I know this probably sounds crazy, but this is just where I am at today. The more I think about it, then more insane this whole thing seems. Maybe I am taking the tiny, mad idea a little less seriously. Let’s hope so! Thanks for listening!

Im having an amazing day today and since from what I understood from Jamie’s class it’s always the EGO that wants to make a big deal out of things, I’m posting here.
First was reading the 2nd rule and really understanding that it is union either with with judgement or HS that causes things to happen.
The roads are really sloppy here today and I ran out of windshield washer fluid. I felt anger and then I questioned it. Why would lack of washer fluid make me feel deprived? I laughed out loud. The lack